Recycled Stained Glass

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2010-08-02T11:06:00.001+05:30

halu!

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The Return

2010-07-25T18:38:00.000+05:30

It has been a long time.

Sitting here, knowing that this is going to be published - feels like when one enters a room that one used to occupy during childhood. I remember where I used to play, where I kept my actions figures...the epic space operas I used to reinact and direct. I remember how often I used to come here.

And then I wonder why I ever left in the first place.

It wasn't a question of time, of resources or of connectivity.

But fear - fear that I have nothing to say. Nothing of worth, of value.

I find that I am plagued by feelings such as this more often than I can remember. Those who have known me for more than 3 or 4 years would not recognize the person now writing this. I feel deflated, impotent and more poignantly, lost.

It is funny - I came to India with such a burning sense of purpose, direction, passion and meaning. And now, two years later, I am back where I started. With an inferiority complex.

This is not to say that my time in India has worn away my soul - far from it. The experiences I've had here have enriched me beyond what I initially thought possible. I do in fact feel far more capable than I felt when I left.

But.

Part of this enrichment has incinerated yet another set of plans that I've had for my life. The options that I've cycled through so far, since 2005, have been (In no particular order):

Cognitive Neuroscientist
Accountant
Doctor
HR Generalist
Journalist
Entrepreneur
Social Worker or Counsellor
Terrorism Researcher
Organizational Psychologist
Human Capital Specialist

Each of these options has been studied, researched and courses have been sought out. And each time, apart from external force, something breaks within me. I have thus far seen this process as one of refinement. Each time I grow an ambition, a course of action, and find the elements with enthuse me the most, and recombine that to form the next ambition. Organizational Psychology has been the latest iteration of all my previous learning - both of how I want to interact with the world and how I want to see myself.

But now, even this has fallen apart.

But life is not so cruel - this much I know. Life always hides clues in places that you never really look...and when you do, you feel stupid for never really looking there before.

This is the junction that I've come to now. I can hold on to what I've had and try and build atop the ruins.

Or I can wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

All the clues life is giving me point now in this direction. It has shown me an undercurrent that I never really looked at before - within myself - and is telling me that this is something I should consider.

That undercurrent - is insight. Insight via data. Data housed in proper data structures, structures that cleave reality, slice it into minute components, distils and makes it ready for analysis.

And the result? A story. A narrative. A narrative about what happened, is happening and might happen.

I the artwork that I find the most enlightening is that which is built on data

Take Gapminder and the brilliant work by Hans Rosling. He has used mountains of data and has weaved a story about developing countries. Of all the TED talks I've watched - this one spoke to me because when I saw his graphs, I saw the tables behind it, I how how each one fed into the bubbles and representations, I saw the possible insights that could be brought out with the use of the right statistics.

Where does this leave me with my prior learning?

You can try and measure everything, but you can never find ALL the variables. Even chance has its place.
It is easy to measure things that are easily measureable - like time and money spent. But the stories involve what is not as easily measured - like innovation and altruism.

So is this another iteration, another "fad" that will last a few years before I find yet another insight?

I don't think so. The quality of this feels very different. it feels - familiar. Friendly.

Perhaps its not a coincidence that Stats was my strongest subject in uni...and that I aced my Maths A-Level.

So - after all this, where does this leave me? Why have I written this today?

Because passion is slowly flowing back into me.

Writing, Data - these are things that I feel I have some mastery over - and through that mastery comes confidence. Confidence that I haven't had in a long time.

So I now wipe my slate clean - throwing away the ashes of all my prior plans, my Plans A through to F.

I still want to be an educator, I still want to make the world a better place. Perhaps now I'm finding the right voice to do this.

And I will be writing more often now...because, as a close friend of mine said to me "I spend far too much time on things that don't matter, and too little time on the things that do".

So let's hope that this is a step in the right direction.

--

Stanley Braganza
sbraganza@sbraganza.com

American Aid

2010-01-25T18:42:00.000+05:30

I can't remember if I spoke about this before...but I just wanted to make a note of this....whenever there is a human crisis it always seems to be the americans who rush to help...never the saudis or chinese or Indians. I've been here for a little while now and I've only seen local or national aid fundraisers.

Why? Let's keep that in mind the next time we critique the US

--
Sent on an Acer Liquid

The way forward - spending on L&D

2009-11-28T20:08:00.001+05:30

I'm in a mood for a rant, but the strength to write it passed a couple of hours, so when I actually managed to get my lappie out, I could only bring myself to write as little as possible.

The debate in the US over joblessness and unemployment is so shallow its sickening. All I've heard so far is people saying "Ahh give me jobs". No one seems to analyse WHY these people are jobless in the first place. People will now try to hit me on the head and say "because they got fired, stupid". Well yes of course, but the important question is why weren't they able to get back onto their feet? My answer - because they don't add sufficient value to whatever their skillset is.

Right now, people are talking about a possible jobless recovery. Thats because people who don't add that much value have been removed from the payroll. Don't get me wrong, I really sympathise with those people. But what I don't like is when these same people sit on their ass and do nothing. So you aren't employable with your current skillset. So grow them. THIS is how the US government can help, by subsidizing training programmes in key US strategic industries. What are those? It depends on whom you listen to - but the point is that if you want to stimulate job recovery, don't try to create jobs directly (a-la a centrally planned economy i.e. China) but equip people with the tools to do so.

So yes, Mr. Obama - fund training and development. The American People's ingenuity will take care of the rest...

In for a pair of cans

2009-11-28T19:45:00.001+05:30

I want headphones. Mine are beginning to fail - they came free with my Jabra 3030 bluetooth headset, and I am VERY happy with them. I mean, I consider myself a little bot of an audiophile, and in my opinion, these free babies actually defeated a pair of Bose in ears that I had tried out. Granted, the Bose ones had a horrible fit and so that opinion could be down to the massive amount of leakage, but still. So yes, my Jabra set has set a very high benchmark, and so I started my search some time ago. I should also mention that I've tried to have these repaired, and the roadside wallas have said no...I've yet to try Lamington road, but until then, I've decided to start my search.

So far, I haven't found anything amazing, though I spied a weird looking KOSS pair. But in this regard, it seems to be a little bit of a challenge to find a decent place to get these. I mean yes there is Croma and the Sony centre, but even here these places focus more on thier big ticket items, and so headphones are considered small change. Can't blame there really.

The Urge to Create - not Consult

2009-11-15T15:21:00.001+05:30

As time is passing, I am learning new things about myself and what I effect I wish to have on the world. Most recently, I've had another thought - that I wish to create and develop, and not just consult and advise. Consultants are sought after for thier advice because they are seen to have top notch industry insight, but then after dispensing thier advice in a nice, glossy report, they leave, and the organizxation is left holding a 90 page document on restructuring and market positioning strategy.

I'm slowly learning that I don't wish to do that - once I give my advice, I want an active role in implementation. I'm also slowly learning that the major challenge in any organization is not "what to do" but is "HOW to do it within my time frame and budget".

This is a change from my earlier standpoint, where I thought ideas were paramount, and that one's value can be determined by the quality of their ideas.

I have learned that this is only half the challenge. The donkey work lies in actually getting those ideas implemented - which brings me to the real revelation:

Ideas are only worth something if they are designed with the implementation system in mind.

This came to me through a podcast I was listening to on good governance, waste and inefficiency. The speaker essentially said that the problem with Washington isn't a dearth of ideas, but rather, a major disconnect between these ideas and how they are to be implemented. He quotes a few examples of how good ideas actually become part of the problem through its implementation.

This may seem obvious - but it wasn't for me. I've always thought that the implementation is an after thought, a formality. That the true value was in the concept alone. Now that has changed, and now I see that any idea MUST have a section devoted to the implementation of it as well.

My learning continues....

A few Observations

2009-10-21T18:54:00.001+05:30

I've been reading a lot about president Obama recently. And I don't like what I'm reading. A lot of it stems from his recent winning of the Nobel peace prize - but that served only as a stimulus for a broader question: What has he done so far? What has become of his promises? What can be said about his progress so far?

I must admit, that I too thought that the peace prize was a bit unexpected. When I first read about it, I too thought to myself "But what has he done so far?"

But something else is happening. People are using this as a rallying point to state that Obama is actually useless, that he is earning points merely by talking about nice things in the air without delivering.

I might have believed this as well, but one thing saved me from doing so. Just after the election, while he was still president elect, I read his book "The Audacity of Hope". And that has given me an insight into how he thinks and wants to work. That, and I've good sources of news and data about how the political system works (Largely from the New York Times & The Daily Show). But more importantly, I've also captured what could be called the heart of the conservative movement – I've also read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand – largely deemed to be the "Capitalist Manifesto".

I will also take this opportunity to point out that a lot of the people on TV who talk about the principals of capitalism and then make reference to the book have never actually read it, or if they did, they only skimmed through it.

So – this is what I bring to the table when I digest my daily news breakfast: an understanding of the president's frame of mind and goals as well as an acute understanding of the pillars of Conservative ideology. The two sound incongruent, but they aren't really.

And it is these tools which have given me the insight into the current situation – the Nobel Peace Prize, the debate on health care reform and bailouts...not to mention the manner in which the debate is being done.

And it is all such shit.

Allow me to explain – today I read an article by Charles Blow of the New York Times. In essence, he says that the American Public is getting tired of waiting. Waiting for things that don't seem to be happening. And he states he Obama should cease his dream of bipartisanship and just plough forward with reform.

That, sir, would be a mistake.

There is a fine line between a moral sanction and tyranny.

But I digress – the next logical question would be: Why isn't bi-partisanship working? It seems its because the Conservatives are resisting.

Why are they resisting?

That seems to be the question no-one is really asking. I find it quite peculiar that the conservatives claim that something like a public option would be against their ideology (a careful reading of Ayn Rand would reveal that it is NOT). Every time I heard their arguments, I cannot help but think that they are out of their minds - they espouse interpretations of the proposed legislation that make me think that they themselves haven't read it. This leads me to believe that their opposition is not based on ideology.

So, if not ideology, perhaps popular support? No that can't be right either – most polls show that people actually support the public option (a confounding factor here would be the public's knowledge of how government programmes are actually run – Medicare is government run and people don't even know it). People are afraid that they will lose their current coverage – again no, since people may keep whatever policies they have.

So if not, ideology or public defence...well, what then? What are we left with?

Personal reasons.

I feel there is such resistance from the conservatives because there is something personal at stake. Many of the conservatives have taken large donations from Pharmaceutical as well as Health Insurance companies. And money, in the US, means you can run for office. (yes, the role of corporate donations in pubic campaigns is being debated, but with all the urgency of a 6 year old worrying about his pension).

So, these people are resisting because they sold their voice to the insurance companies, who have vested interests. What interests? In the current system, they are major winners. And no-one likes to lose.

So now the REAL question is – how do you convince insurance companies that it is in their best interest to support good health care reform? Public opinion doesn't really matter – its translation into sales dollars is foggy at best.

How do you align the goals of the organization to the goals of the government?

This is my opinion – as of now, you cannot. Why? Because it seems the goals of these organizations ISN'T to provide quality healthcare – these are money generating organizations. I used that term on purpose – these are not "value" or "wealth" creating organization, but money creating organizations. And I don't believe the nonsense PR that they come up with because I know that actions speak louder than words. The people at the top in these organizations, or rather, the shareholders in these organizations, aren't in this to create value in the healthcare space – but rather, to maximize their money, currency.

So the next question would be: how do you change that emphasis? How do you shift the emphasis from money generation to value generation?

Ahh...now we're talking about the REAL core of the matter. And as far as I can see, NOONE is talking about this specific point.

A good starting question would be: why do people want to invest their money into money generating organizations? To make more money. Why do they want to make more money? The usual answer I get is: because they are greedy people and human desires are unlimited. I'm sorry, but that's crap. Psychology has advanced far too much for me to take that as an answer.

This is what I know from psychology: people want to do something useful and something that they love, and they want to enjoy the fruit of their labour. You want to buy yourself a private jet so that you can go anywhere you want to whenever you wish? It's possible, but you've to earn lots of money to do that. And so people do that. But you also want to ensure that life doesn't catch you off guard, so you ferret away savings for a rainy day. And you want to ensure that once you are no longer capable of work that you can live out your days in comfort – a non working retirement.

Now to do all this, you need to create value – and that value needs to be such that other people are willing to pay you for your trouble.

What I feel is that people feel that these conditions cannot be met UNLESS they try and maximize the amount they have through any means possible. And yes, I agree that it is important that your money grows.

But there are two things I think we need to examine:

· What rate of return is acceptable

· What ethical boundaries exist – and more importantly, what are the consequences of this?

Generally, people cross ethical boundaries when the rate of return is not acceptable to them, or if they wish to achieve it by a means that is societally unacceptable (the former point is my own, the latter is Durkheim's). I am also going to concede that ethical boundaries vary from culture to culture. BUT there are certain absolutes – primarily that any activity that does not generate value, or rather generates harm, is ethically unsound.

But my, I have diverged totally from the topic at hand.

This is what I wanted to say: Obama wants the GOP in with him because if he doesn't do that, then he crosses the line into "soft" tyranny. The Conservatives want to splinter and destroy the debate because it is in their own best interests to – for funding. The leaders of the insurance industry want a status quo because they feel it is only via the status quo that they may realize their goals.

The solution – identify the goals of the backers of the insurance industry and try to incentivise "good" behaviour. I have a few ideas, but they are still being developed.

Thoughts from the larder

2009-10-14T22:53:00.001+05:30

I want to write. I know I love writing. I know it is something I love to do. And yet, right now, I haven't the will nor the inclination to do so. My mind is occupied with, well, nothingness.

There are things I want to write about, topics and opinions born in the heat of the moment, in the midst of an averted arguement...a full treatise on human nature when I see a well dressed young man jump a McDonalds queue (and tries to explain to me how there are really TWO queues, even though there is only one server - a tactic that I've seen used countless times here in India whereby the wrongdoer uses the most embarressingly faulty logic to exonnerate themselves. It is important to realize that resolution of some logical issue is not the motivation for such rubbish reasoning. The point is distraction...which worked. I was so intruiged by this stupid statement, wondering how this could be possible, during which time the person went ahead and tried to place his order ahead of me. Fortunately, the sever had more sense and told him to bugger to the back of the queue.)

I think to myself, is this something worth writing? I mean, WHO would be interested in such things? Add to that my general levels of fatigue when I get home, and in the end...writing has fallen out of my routine.

Compare this version of me to a version a year ago...and I see stark differences. Most notably, my thirst for information has waned somewhat, replaced by a more primal urge to "earn more bread"...a focus on banal survivability. This is, after all, what I thought was the hallmark of one's existence in India - the imbuing of a gritty desire to live and survive. What I never thought of was that this might actually dull my thirst for knowledge.

I am, however, pleased to say that I've managed to download my podcasts again and am listening to them with much glee. I've learnt so much more that I did without them, and I hope that re-kindles my thirst. As my internet connectivity still sucks, I still don't have ready access to information, but at least I've found a way to get SOME information.

Just an update...

2009-09-24T10:24:00.000+05:30

Hello my friends - I have decided to check in after a long time for the following reason: I have had the urge to write but my life has yet to gain the stability I want it to have. The past three months have been very different - almost monotonous in their diversity - in that every day something different happens.

And I'm bored of it.

It is strange - I'm living a life now whereby everyday has some new challenge, some new thing to learn...and I've found that I've got a certain capacity for it as well. Over the past few days, I've tried to actually make each day somewhat similar, just for some relief - and even then, it doesn't work out. There is always something to do - be it a lecture on something or needing to pick up my shirts from the ironwalla. Since I've moved into my new place in Bandra, there have been only five or six instances where I've gone straight home from work.

You may ask, quite reasonably, why this is a problem. It is an issue because I cannot plan to do anything now - if I wanted to take up some course, I don't know if I'd be able to commit. I haven't been able to read any of my books for a while now. I wanted to re-start my bible study. I want to get to a net café and download all my podcasts...these are a few of the things I want to do, but just cannot seem to budget into my time.

On a separate note - I also feel like I'm frozen in time, waiting for the universities to get back to me. Its horrifying - I can't make plans for the following year now (For example - if I don't get in, I'll most probably do an MBA. Which means I'll have to study for the entrance tests - different colleges {I don't use the word unis here for a good reason} have different admissions tests so I'll have to figure out which one I want to do) and so right now I feel all I can do is wait.

Its also been a while since I've grown or developed. I haven't learnt anything new over the past couple of months. Yes, the lectures are nice, but I haven't learnt a new SKILL. That's where I feel I'm lacking. Knowledge is something that I've been collecting, but SKILLS is something I've neglected.

I know I'd like to upgrade my computer literacy - especially in the more advanced functions of Excel, Word, PowerPoint - which includes macro and VBA programming. And being in India I should be surrounded by such courses, right? Mmm....nothing close to where I live or work unfortunately :S

A place called comfort

2009-08-08T02:18:00.001+05:30

There has been much that has been learnt over the past few weeks - and as I'm alone right now with some time to myself, I'll try and jot this down, amongst a few other bits that randomly come into my mind....

I've started an idea log on my phone. Whenever I'm on the bus or train and I hear something that makes sense to me, or I find something I feel passionately about, I jot the skeleton of the idea down in a note on my phone. I've now about 4 or 5 ideas, almost totally novel, about things that I want to write about - things that range from water conservation to a much better tax system.
I want a netbook. Lugging my relatively demure 15.1 inch Dell, while plausible, has proved to be a back breaker. Whenever I get the itch to do a little mobile browsing, or rather, a little mobile blogging (care of my Tata Photon connection) I find that packing just my laptop and charger (as my battery only gets me 45mins of charge now) makes me look like I've packed for a day's trek to the Ghats. In addition, I feel as though I'm carrying the provisions of an entire flight crew for a transatlantic trip. I've decided to get the Dell Mini 12...but I've had such a hard time getting the one I want (one with a 6 cell battery) that I've all but given up hope. I'm seriously considering other options
I'm in educational limbo. I can't reveal details of this on-line as it might compromise things, but lets say I need to gamble...take an option available now, or wait for something better
Living in Bandra has changed my view of life in Mumbai. From living in Lower Parel and meeting the street family every morning to meeting some of Mumbai's elite during their morning run is quite a stark change in scenery. Everything is different - the atmosphere, the water and air, everything is different!
I'm participating more - I've joined a Bible study group and am attending lectures by the New Acropolis. Interesting times ;)

All in all - things are moving along. Not in ways that I expected, but they are :)

So Damn Close

2009-07-12T23:08:00.001+05:30

I did the research. I looked around. And I saw what I thought would have been the perfect solution to my woes over the past year and a half - Tata Indicom has launched their own version of mobile internet, promising speeds of up to 3.1 MBPS.

Of course, this being India, I was sceptical.

But I decided to have faith. I thought, perhaps there is something to this - after all, its TATA, they wouldn't outright lie.

So I went to the demo showroom and asked to see what this modem was like. I was shown a nifty little USB stick. The assistant plugged it in and navigated to the Yahoo! home page, expecting to wow me - "See sir? Loads in a few seconds". It didn't even raise my eyebrows - I knew that even with EDGE and perhaps a little help from cache, Yahoo! would load fast. Little did he know that I was a power user. I navigate straight to the main site that I've sorely missed - The Daily Show. I was ready to take the assistant's case, highlighting how slow the video streamed.

That's when my heart stopped.

It streamed. It streamed well. In fact, it streamed so well, the site upgraded the viewing quality, thinking I was on a broadband connection. I was flustered - I had never seen such speeds in India, leave alone from a USB modem. I did a speed check, using a server in Boston. The result astounded me.

Average download speed: 0.91 MBS

I was getting almost 1MBS of actual download speed from the basement level of a shopping mall. I didn't know what to do. It had been so long since I streamed video. Needless to say, I made arrangements to get the device. It wasn't easy, as ANYONE who has tried to get a high tech product in India will testify to - sales side is always excellent, but as soon as you sign on the dotted line, you are treated like a second class citizen.

In any case, after a lot of headbashing a finally got it - a tiny, sleek royal blue use modem. I plugged it in at a friend's place, and was in ecstacy - it was as promised, and I was streaming Jon Stewart like a mad monkey. I just knew that I'd spend loads of time catching up on life outside of India.

I get home today, all excited, and plug in my modem.

The first sign of trouble - the modem only registers about half of the optimal signal strength. I load up Chrome.....and it hits me right in the face.

It takes about a minute to download seven seconds of Jon Stewart. It takes me 40 MINUTES to load a 7 minute clip.

The whole point of my getting this rather expensive toy was so that I could do what I need to from the comfort of my home. But apparantly, Tata doesn't cover my home...

And yet again, I continue to roam the world without the benefit of full internet. Its not even fast enough for Skype

I'm not going to sleep well tonight.

An upcoming inflection point

2009-06-24T13:48:00.000+05:30

My life is coming to a point of inflection very soon, for the following reasons

· My PhD application is nearly complete – I’ve only to ensure my last referee sends in his recommendation letter, and that’s it. The process is out of my control. So far, the university I’m applying to has responded to my application positively – in that from my discussions with them, what they want is very much in line with what I’ve to offer. I just really hope they see that

· I’m moving – I’ve lived in Lower Parel for a year now, and it has challenged a piece of conventional wisdom of mine: That the posh areas of a city are located in its Central Business District (CBD). Mumbai has several CBDs – the key ones being Nariman Point, Lower Parel and Andheri (I’ve lived in the latter two during my time in India). I thought living in one of these areas would be like living in Canary Wharf – an uptown area which oozed sophistication and cool. I was wrong. This is where ignoring the history of an area comes at one’s peril. I’m not sure about why Andheri is so crappy (for the Mumbaikars amongst you, I was living deep in Marol) but Lower Parel was traditionally a mill area (and therefore highly industrialized) and most of the accommodation was built for the mill workers. And so I’m now living amongst pure Maharashtrans who speak only Marathi, living in joint families and celebrate Marathi festivals. I’m now moving to a place just off Carter Road in Bandra. For those of you who don’t know, Bandra is an upscale suburb of Mumbai populated more famously by Catholics and less famously by Muslims. It’s a great place to live as there is lots to do – courses, promenades, restaurants, cafes, etc.

· My surgery is almost behind me – My stomach muscles have weakened considerably and I’ve put on some weight, but the pain has all but ceased. After a few more weeks I should be able to do some light exercises!

Awesome Dessert

2009-06-14T14:09:00.000+05:30

New at my local coffee shop....Chocolate orange mousse iin a dark chocolate "container"

Simply Delish!

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Day 12: A good meal

2009-06-08T20:55:00.000+05:30

Everything seems to have gone according to plan. Though my 102° fever didn't do me many favours. Luckily for me, it had nothing to do withthe surgery ~ it was a seemingly random viral infection.

Several spots still smart when I walk, bend or lift my legs, but it is managable. Sleeping is still an issue though...last night was dreadful....the only way i could sleep was to sleep on the floor with my legs on the bed,so as not to pull on the affected areas. Alas, I made that discovery at about 4am.

Today was spent gathering my strength...done by walking around lots. Hopefully, I've gathered enough mana for tomorrow...

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Day 4 - Freedom!

2009-05-30T23:36:00.000+05:30

Getting out of the hospital wasnt all too easy. The nurse on duty had forgotten to give me my shot of painkillers for the night...the result of which was me feeling like i had swallowed a tub of earthworms made of fire and metal.

Sleep was not on the agenda.

Of course, when the doctor discivered that i was medication free they promptly injected me with a double dose of the stuff. Getting discharged was easily done,though there were the usual beauracratic hassles that delayed us..we finslly left the place by 2pm.

Once i got home, there wasnt much to do but relax, chill, and try and forget the pain.

Oh, and passing gas has now become a tool for torture. Perform a hernia operation and feed the POW beans...trust me, he'll tell you where Al Queada is hiding.

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Day Two - Attack of the Groin Feelers

2009-05-29T17:20:00.000+05:30

Ive lost track of the number Of people who have, on some pretext or another, seen and / or felt my groin. I might as well have my loins encased in a glass cabinet and allow people to book tickets online. Of course I understand the reason behind it ~ after all, they do need to check on the stitches ~ but some of the attention has been rather unwarranted. A hospital staff member came in & asked how I felt. She then placed her hands on my groin and pressed lightly, and said my bladder was filling up, and that I should go pee soon (a valid point as I had trouble peeing after surgey). She then asked me to get out of bed and sit on a nearby stool.

She then CHANGED MY BEDSHEETS!

So my question is: do nurses have multiple roles? Or did the housekeeper just feel me up?

In either case, by that point i had been pressed / squeezed / poked by N number of people, so one more didnt matter.

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Day 2 - I can see sick people

2009-05-28T09:53:00.000+05:30

I didnt sleep too well last night, and im not sure why. So i stayed up and thanks to the life saver that is my phone, i read an interesting article about the underdog phenomenon in the New Yorker, penned by none other than Malcom Gladwell. That, and i caught up on some nerd sauce over at topless robot :)

I woke up and promptly realized two things:

1. The hospital is in a lovely location...i dont have a view of the sea, but my view of Bombay is equally satisfying

2. Hospitals are full of sick people.

I woke up not to bikini clad nurses and the smell of roses. I was greeted by people urinating, catheders being changed, wounds being checked...in a word, rather unsexy. But nevermind, these people are in the business of saving lives, so kudos to them.

Im going to have to submit my phone now, so no updates till tonight!

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Day 1 at the butcher's

2009-05-27T21:32:00.000+05:30

Admission into the hospital was a bit of an issue.....evidently the people at HDFC (my bank) didnt tell me that the daily transaction limit was split into two parts~one direct,one cash. In either case, we resolved it and split the payment in two and charged seperate accounts. Once in,it all felt rather cosy.

One thing surprised me though..the extent to which they had to shave me. I thought it would just be my tummy....im now slick all the way from my nipples down to my knees...a unique experience indeed...i should try swimming like this;

There shouldnt be much excitment now...its lights out pretty soon. I think ill read a few more chapters before i sleep, though im surprisingly tired already...

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

The night before admission

2009-05-27T04:07:00.000+05:30

For some reason i cant seem to sleep right. I dont feell particularly nervous about my surgery~but rather, im impatient. I want it over and done with. I want to get back to my life.

And yet...what is the selection pressure here? What trait is being selected for? My only answer....patience. Inner peace & reflection.

That...or developing a taste for hard liquor (to put me to sleep)

---
Stanley Braganza
Sent from a HTC Diamond

Video of Meta-Blogging: How many layers of abstraction?

2009-05-17T19:22:00.000+05:30

I thought this was funny :)

Google Anti Trust

2009-05-13T22:44:00.001+05:30

I've been hearing about Google being brought up on anti-trust charges for a while now.

And I cannot help but see the similarities between what is happening to Google and what happened to Henry Rearden - creator of Rearden Metals (from Atlas Shrugged).

I won't go into it too much, in case any of you decide to read it, but essentially, this is what happened to Mr. Rearden. He works for years, labouring away at his company lab - his company sells steel products, like a fictional Corus - trying to discover a metal that was, in a sense, perfect. And he succeeds after ages, and calls it Rearden Metal. He then introduces it to the market at a premium. No-body buys it, but once they do and they see how amazing this stuff is, they (market regulators) threaten to stop him from producing it UNLESS he gives away, for free, amounts of Rearden metal to his competitors. WHY? Because his ownership of the metal, and being the sole supplier, was considered unfair to those who didn't

This is what I have to say to the opponents of Google - why didn't you come up with the ideas that Google did, and implement them? Everyone is talking about Google dominating the ad-space, and that this will raise prices. The only problem with that reasoning, to my mind - impression costs are determined by competitive bidding and the number of opportunities that your ad is displayed. This way, people are competing with each other on Google's own network. Google just provides the space or network for the bidding to take place.

Unless someone else can come up with a better system, I say let Google dominate.

The Advantages of a Crap Internet Connection

2009-05-11T22:26:00.001+05:30

I hate my internet service provider. But I understand that they aren't wholly responsible (one thing I've learnt living here - responsibility is still an opaque term here). I've had absolutely no access for about three weeks. When it finally does come back, there's a really weird quirk - the net "cuts off" every 15 or 20 seconds. I mean, completely. The LED on my LAN card stops flashing. The blackout lasts about 5 or 6 seconds, then I'm back on-line for the next 20 seconds before it cuts out again...like a car engine that keeps sputtering. While this allows me to check my email (which I now do on my phone because, sadly, EDGE is more reliable than my 512k connection) watching videos or downloading my weekly 1.3 GB of podcasts is impossible (to watch a 2 minute video I've to wait about 15 mins for it to download - and ALL of my iTunes subscriptions return error messages about halfway through).

I've decided to look at the selection pressure here - what behaviour is this environment selecting for? A few days ago it dawned on me (perhaps again...)

The feeling of being off-line.

Since my internet connection has become well and truly dodgy, I've read more books than I have in a long time. I come home, have dinner at 730pm, and from 8pm till about 12am I do nothing but listen to the podcasts I was able to download, and read. I've finished a number of books - I'm currently on Rich Brother, Rich Sister - and I've bought more as well.

While this has been a pleasant side effect, I still miss my internet on tap. But I've also discovered a nice, legitimate way of spending time on meatspace.

Annoyed

2009-03-31T20:24:00.001+05:30

I'm watching a Webinar on employee engagement, delivered by a Fortune 500 Organizational Psychologist on what they've done in their own company.

I'm only about 40% through and I'm so annoyed.

Why? Because a good 70% of the ideas that the presenter is touting as "New", "Innovative" and "Profitable" were ideas that I HAD THOUGHT OF!! INDEPENDANTLY!!!

And what is even more annoying - I've tried to get them implemented at work...only to be met with negativity.

Perhaps I need to push harder. Or be more convincing.

But for now, I'm simmering in my own broth...wondering why I don't push harder for Ideas that I know will work? I mean, someone else will have the same idea, and will actually exploit it, and that person will get all the credit for it.

Fear

2009-03-25T23:44:00.001+05:30

Recently, a certain, crystalline emotion has been splintering my thoughts - fear. And I've been trying to understand where this fear stems from.

The surprising thing is, I discovered this fear only through my own behaviour - that is, I didn't expect to feel this way. I toiled over an idea that I thought was totally original...I then do a little research and find that not only has someone else had that same idea, but they are father down the road in terms of its implementation.

It seems as though I am afraid of competition.

I feel there are two ways to succeed in life - out compete your competitors or find a niche for yourself without competition. And by far, my favourite option has been the latter. I would crank up my gears of innovation and creativity and come up with what felt like totally new ideas - ideas that I have never heard mention of before (and I go through a lot of media, so generally it is difficult to surprise me).

But when I find that someone else has had that same idea....I feel deflated and defeated. I feel as though the battle has already been lost.

I fear competing - because I feel I will lose. Almost binary, I know - my view of competition.

But then I read February's edition of DARE magazine (a magazine published in India about entreprenuers and start ups - essentially a magazine about applied ideas). In it was a column by Philip Anderson, professor of entrepreneurialism at INSEAD. And he talked about this very point - and introduced me to a third perspective...

"Just because someone else has had your idea doesn't mean it is the end of the world" was his first message. I was also heartened to learn that what I feel is actually quite common. That many people feel completely deflated.

But the main take away was the rest of the article, in which he talks about ways to overcome this feeling, and turn what happened into an advantage.

And therein lies my hope. I must cling onto it and foster it, and regain my strength from there. Strength to believe that my idea has merit, and that I will implement it in a way that is much better than my competitors'. (Or I could collaborate?)

After all, history is rife with stories about how the first introduction of a product was a failure, only to be picked up later and become a resounding success.

Perhaps all is not lost :)

Code Monkey

2009-03-23T21:56:00.001+05:30

For all you coders out there :)

Where did the Money Go?

2009-03-23T00:11:00.001+05:30

iPhone

2009-03-20T08:48:00.001+05:30

I'm now using every single feature of my HTC Touch Diamond - everything from Web Browsing to Push Email to A2DP Music Streaming. I don't think there is anything I've left out, save for three prominent items:

GPS - for which a subscription is needed
Tethering - As I've got BroadBand at home, I don't need to
HSDPA - India has no 3G network, and so I've never had a chance to use this feature

But now I'm beginning to wonder if I made the right choice...I'm growing increasingly envious of the increasingly mainstream iPhone...its large screen, slick interface, and thousands of applications.

"Thou Shalt not covet thy neighbour's phone"...

friends s1e24(The One Where Rachel Finds Out) part 1

2009-03-19T01:46:00.001+05:30

I like the "Men are here"....

friends s1e15(The One With The Stoned Guy) part 2

2009-03-19T01:09:00.001+05:30

Friends - Nap Partners

2009-03-10T01:35:00.001+05:30

f r i e n d s - TOW all the wedding dresses (part1)

2009-03-10T00:28:00.001+05:30

Neo-objectivism

2009-03-09T19:12:00.001+05:30

My contact with, and subsequent assimilation of, Ayn Rand's objectivism was one of the most memorable moments of my life. Here I felt I had discovered a hidden gem, a philosophy of life that made sense to me, that was all encompassing, and which could explain most things. It was a moral code, a way of life. Before I picked it up, I was a definite left winger, a believer that government should control all, that communism was a good idea in principle, and that greed was an evil force. After Atlas Shrugged, I was a true capitalist, a believer in non-governmental interference in free markets, save for the protection of rights, and held greed an the engine of productivity.

Since that moment, I have tried to live my life by objectivist ideals, and by and large, I was happy.

Until I began to see the effect it exerted on everyone around me.

I found myself frustrated by people, frustrated by how people would use "humanity" and "being human" as an excuse for sloth and laziness, for weakness and non-responsibility. And I found that many people felt that to be human was to be in some way imperfect, weak and fallible. Whereas objectivism held humanity as heroic, supremely intelligent and strong (fallibility is a scientific necessity).

I liked the effects that objectivism was having on me - I found myself constantly learning, constantly improving myself, constantly setting higher goals. I found myself developing all sorts of skills, hungry to advance, eager to learn. And I liked that fact that I knew so much.

But I've recently also discovered at what cost this comes. I won't go into it now, but Dr. Branden was onto something when he understood that while objectivism is an amazing philosophy, it wasn't liveable in its current form.

I thought I could avoid the pitfalls of objectivism - I thought I could cherry pick the parts that made sense to me.

I have been proved wrong. Not that its a bad thing - this is all part of my evolution.

Now I've to replace some of the parts of objectivism, But with what?

Arty Girls

2009-03-04T22:40:00.001+05:30

While listening to my Classical Music, a particularly nice operatic piece came on. I later found that it was by Katherine Jenkins (Who is Welsh by the way - I didn't know that!).

And I promptly re-discovered something.

I've a thing for Arty girls. Intelligent, well travelled Arty girls - the type who argue over who was a better post modernist sculptor, who can tell you what the inside of the Sistine Chapel smells like, who wants to save the world, who has an informed opinion about stem cell research, economic theory and politics, and who can play the pants off a cello.

Yeah.

That's about right.

And honourable mention to Mylene Klass. Any girl who can play the harp AND knows what & where the spider nebula is has my respect.

Capitalism in one hand, and Iran on the other

2009-03-03T20:54:00.001+05:30

There are two items in the news recently that have been getting on my nerves. And I just want to rant a little on both.

Capitalism

Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look, and in most of the financially minded podcasts I listen to, everyone seems to say that capitalism as a system is dead, and it cannot work and that government regulation is required. While I won't comment on the need or not for government regulation (and after reading Obama's Audacity of Hope) as that is a separate issue. What I really hate now is people who have decided that there is something inherently wrong with capitalism. I get really annoyed, and until anyone can really offer me an argument against the point I am going to outline, I will feel that I am right.

Everyone knows the game Tic Tac Toe.

The rules are very simple - you need get three of your items to line up in a row.

Now there are a large number of varieties of Tic Tac Toe - some differ structurally

Some even differ in terms of the rules of the game - like on larger boards, the rule may be that each person has two turns. But the key point, the essence of tic tac toe is getting your items in a row. If you were to make a change that were to alter that rule, then the game is no longer Tic Tac Toe. It is something else.

Now, there are many types of capitalism, I won't go into how it is practised in different parts of the world (Such as the famous "Capitalism with a Chinese Face") as that is beside the point. What I want to argue here is that the essence of capitalism, and its philosophical foundation - objectivism, is the exchange of value for value. In other words, mutually beneficial trade in things that are in the long term interests of the individuals concerned.

What has been happening in America, and in many parts of the world for that matter, is a depredation of this point. It turned into a game of how much you could get away with. It was no longer about exchanging value for value. Again, a treatment of the motivations of this is outside the scope of this blog post. (But on a tangential note, it has to do with accountability, dealing with facts and trust in only one's own senses, or those of a highly trusted delegate)...more on that later...

What I am trying to say is that the essence of capitalism was removed from the system. So what we were looking at in the financial systems that were rooted in the US was not capitalism. It had the structure of capitalism, yes, but the essence was missing. It was not about the generation of value, or the exchange of value (for a definition of value, I love Ayn Rand's definition, which is outside the scope of this post). From what I read, it was about finding clever ways to make artificial wealth, wealth based on the likelihoods of other people following through on payments. It was in the lack of responsibility in spending habits, in the belief that housing prices could only go up, that credit was available and one could always earn and pay things off later.

Credit is a brilliantly ingenious invention - viewing money in 4 dimensions, and calculating future profitability based on future growth. But the essence of capitalism was lost - rather than exchanging that credit for real value, it was exchanged for a lot less. That was the essential breakdown.

Capitalism, I maintain, is an ingenious invention. What we are witnessing isn't the failure of capitalism at all. What we are witnessing is the decloaking of a banditocracy in the uniform of capitalism. It looked like capitalism, but at its heart, it wasn't anything like it. Capitalism is very much alive and well...just ask any Venture Capitalist or futurist about the meaning of value, and they will tell you. And I subscribe to that definition.

Iran

I was just listening to several discussions on Iran, by both the ABC (American, not Australian) and the Guardian. And I heard the same old garbage that I've been hearing for so long - the view that Iran's leaders go to bed thinking of new ways to destroy the "west". Whether that is true or not is not the point of my post. What I want to hear, for once, is what Iran - as a political entiity as well as a collection of the world's youngest people - want.

As an example - in the aftermath of the invasion of Georgia by Russia, everyone started talking about "that" Russia, the Cold War Russia. Again, I wasn't interested in whether that was true or not (because I don't think in this context truth could really exist the way we want it to). But I only found ONE place - ONE solitary place, where I could hear the Russian's perspective. Correction - A Russian's perspective: Mikhail Gorbachev's view of events, and of musings in general, was published as an op-ed piece in the New York Times. And I found it refreshing.

What I want to see is more of an Iranian voice in these debates about Iran. I've listened to so many reports of life inside Iran, of reporters interviewing Iranians about what they want, and I find their message, and the political message of the country to be quite in congruent. So when we speak about Iran, please, let us be specific - the politicians are not the people.

Junior Achievement

2009-03-02T23:33:00.003+05:30

When I first heard that KPMG was very active in terms of Social Responsibility, I was quite excited. I've wanted to contribute to other people's lives in a direct way, and was looking for a way by which my particular skill set would have the most impact. If I weren't in the career I was in now, I would have most definitely become a teacher. There is something about the classroom and inquisitive minds that I find intoxicating. There is something I love about being passionate about my subject and wanting to instil that knowledge and passion into others. When I arrived at KPMG, most of the programs involved very young children or the environment – and I felt that I wouldn't be able to use my skill set as extensively as I would have liked.

But when I heard that Junior Achievement was partnering with KPMG, I was very excited, and signed up immediately. I would ask for updates almost every other week, asking when we could begin. When the initial training session started in our City Studio office in Mumbai, I was one of the first to show up.

We were to facilitate and deliver Junior Achievement's (JA) Flagship programme, Careers with a purpose. When I learnt more about the programme, I was further enamoured with the purpose of the programme. The programme aimed to help children in the IX^th standard and above figure out what they wanted to do in life – to help them identify their vocation. It would do this by first illustrating the enormous variety of jobs available, and then goes on to help them realize what their role could be in the grand scheme of things. After attending another training session and going through the JA manuals and PowerPoint presentations, I was ready for my first session.

We were posted to an all girl's school in Khar. And I must say I was rather nervous. Up till that point, the largest group of children I had handled was about ten or fifteen. Here I was to be in charge of 50. As I walked into the classroom, I could tell that the students were as curious about me, a man in his mid twenties, as I was nervous about them – 50 girls with a median age of 15.

I remembered my Toastmasters training at that point. I drew a deep breath, exhaled and smiled. I looked at them and saw the first signs of acceptance, then confusion. Confusion as to why this new teacher had walked in and was just smiling at everyone. This had the desired effect of quietening them down. I then introduced myself, explained why I was there and what I wanted to achieve. My nervousness persisted, but I believed my own smile and I relaxed. And right then, I remembered why I was there in that classroom – my passion for teaching, combined with my identification of JA's message, took over. An hour and a half flew by, and this happened each time for four weeks. Many of the girls asked interesting and important questions, and some impressed me with their perspectives. And collectively, we all ensured that we had a lot of fun – while each taking home different, important message about each of our futures.

In those four short weeks, I had a glimpse at what the future of India would look like. In ten years, those girls will be in the position that I am in now. And I can honestly say, from what I saw in that room, I have every reason to be optimistic about India's future.

The Purpose of the Blog

2009-03-01T03:38:00.001+05:30

I've been in a bit of a mix recently - and a lot of it has to do with blogs.

Why did I start writing a blog? Technically, I've always kept a record of my thoughts and observations. I generally write down things that I'd like other people to know, and hence if someone were to get a hold of my earliest writings, I wouldn't be horrified. So way back in 2005, as part of my friendster account, I decided to try blogging. And I found I liked it - the ease at which I could put something up online for everyone to comment on.

Later on I decided to try writing about serious topics - and so named my blog "The Braganza Report". And it's still up actuallly :) And it was to be a collection of my observations on various things. But then it changed - I got fed up with producing it and decided that it should take on a more, well, personal touch. So I began posting things about myself. And this has continued till now.

What has surprised me was how far reaching my readership was - and what effect that was having on me and those close to me. Even though I only posted what I felt comfortable revealing (obviously) I decided to try and moderate my posts so that they aren't as "personal" as they once were.

That has resulted in me not posting anything. At all.

So this begged the question of me last night - why do I feel the need to put up these rather personal details? (Let me clarify - there are things I am comfortable revealing and there are things that only my closer friends know. Whatever is on my blog falls into the former category)

I guess part of the reason I publish things about my inner world is because it helps me deal with it. Somehow. Paulo Coelho in the Zahir talks about this - that the telling of one's story helps one deal with it.

So I've decided - I'm still going to post whatever I want to on my blog. Not because I want to tell everyone what is happening in my life, but because it helps me deal with it.

So - after all this - what do I want to say?

I'll get back to you on that.

Another song that gives me goosebumps

2009-02-19T19:21:00.001+05:30

The Energy Wars - Rate Determining Step

2009-02-04T00:31:00.001+05:30

I whole heartedly agree with Thomas Friedman when he says that Green Energy is going to be the next revolution. It will create a whole new industry, create new courses and new departments at universities, and create a new way of life for all of us.

One pointed conclusion I drew from this - and I'm with Shai Agassi on this one - a major determinant of this will be the ability to generate electricity, transport it to consumers for them to utilize.

That vector, my readers, will be batteries.

Particularly, rechargeable batteries. I'm guessing there are a large number of big ticket entrepreneurs out there who have caught on to this, as well as a fair few venture capitalists - not to mention industry giants. Everyone in this domain is trying to produce a battery that is leaner, more efficient and run a jumbo jet with a half hour's charge.

Currently, our best bet seems to be with batteries that use lithium as a major component. And today I learn that the world's richest areas of Lithium are located...

in Bolivia.

According to the New York Times , Bolivia seems to have caught on. My take on this is that they are going to use this to make themselves filthy rich. And according to objectivism, they have a right to do so. BUT, being South America, nationalist emotions and socialism have made an appearance.

I've nothing against the Bolivians wanting to make a profit out of this. But please, don't do anything to slow down the progress of green tech. As is it, our mini start ups are facing a severe downturn - funding is drying up. We can't let this go.

Resolutions

2009-02-02T23:24:00.001+05:30

You know, it's funny. This was the first Christmas I've spent without any Christmas Carols...not like the one's my mum used to play. To me, Christmas was signified by a few things:

Getting the decorations up
People generally getting happier
Christmas Carols

I never realized how integral carols were to Christmas until the Christmas just gone by, when not one true Christmas CD was played. For the first time in my life, I got to experience a Christmas without Bonney M....

..and it didn't feel like Christmas at all.

I made the same comment to a few of my friends, and they too, had no carols, and they too also felt a certain vaccum, a certain space left empty that we never really noticed before. How peculiar. I'll leave the ruminations over the role music has in society for another post.

Right now, I want to talk about something else.

Normally after the Chrismassy feeling begins to wear off, people get in the habit of talking about resolutions, about what they are going to do differently this year. That, for me, didn't happen this year. And none of my friends seem to be talking about it either.

So, what are my resolutions?

Apart from the usual get a 6pack, eat healthily, exercise regularly....there are a few that stand out:

Get into graduate school
Achieve a huge milestone at work
Make more friends and contacts
Explore Bombay and make it my own, like I adopted London
Learn more than my current Hindi: "Kya re?", "Kya buckwas" & "Ek murgh kadai, ek naan, ek sweet lassi"
Achieve a higher level of consciousness - essentially climbing that path that blew open to me back in August
Establish myself the way I had envisioned in my head

Doesn't sound like a lot, does it?

Fire Inside

2009-02-02T23:12:00.001+05:30

Some days I feel like a wet blanket...

And others, like today, I've got a white hot bonfire inside me, and I feel invincible and unstoppable!

Times like this, life is great! :D

Picture Pages J-5

2009-02-01T23:52:00.001+05:30

Wow...Even as a child, I got to learn that rents in New York are crazy :P

The Return

2009-02-01T23:42:00.001+05:30

I've been wanting to write about so many topic over the last few days, but I've never at my laptop when these topics occur. Some of them have been:

A defence of the philosophy of Capitalism
The essence of Good and Evil
The Importance of Ambition

But whenever I get home, the topic, as well as the eloquence that might have followed, have vanished.

Right now, I'm going through old videos of Bill Cosby. I loved the guy - I remember as a kid growing up, we used to get old US comedy shows imported by either ATV or TVB (the two Hong Kong TV stations). One of them was the Cosby Show...and I used to laugh my head off.

Anyway, watching these old videos made me want to do a little research on Mr. Cosby. What I found was extraordinary:

He had SEVERAL flops. (which would have made any other person give up)
He has a proper Doctorate in Education (Ed. D) That Really shocked me...but it was when I found out that he was involved in the Children's Television Workshop (and therefore worked on Sesame Street and the Electric Company) did that make sense
He also has several Doctorates of Humane Letters - a title I wasn't familiar with until now
He is multi talented...as all my heroes are.

It was my discovery that he was involved with the Electric Company that made me remember that series....I had forgotten about it! What a show that was! A show that didn't patronise me either :D

Obama and McCain - Dance Off!

2009-01-30T13:40:00.001+05:30

Its amazing what they can do with advanced movie editing these days :P

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

2009-01-29T21:36:00.001+05:30

This is one video where I got goosebumps. Humanity...amazing

Testing

2009-01-26T11:34:00.000+05:30

I'm just trying out a new way of posting…just give me a moment…

Test your pronounciation and announciation

2009-01-17T20:33:00.000+05:30

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sleeve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!

Starting 2009 with...

2009-01-10T00:14:00.002+05:30

I know this is a fun shot, taken out of context...but I genuinly cannot figure out what that object is supposed to be...

Which makes it all the funnier...

I liked this concept

2008-12-16T22:40:00.001+05:30

Identity

2008-12-16T22:13:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I being to wonder what I want to make of myself. I've read enough literature within psychology to know that there is almost no concrete definition of "personality" - traits, yes - but even those are dependant on our behaviour in certain situations. Behaviour is determined by choice (apart from drunken behaviour) - yes there may be tendencies for behaviour, but it isn't totally predictively valid; it all comes down to choice (at least, when one thinks about it).

So what do I want to be? I had an idea - but that idea has now been tainted by foul memories of my recent past. I was a geek. Am I still one? I don't know. Is it a useful classification? I don't think so.

So what am I then? What do I want to be?

...

or rather...

Is it important for me to be anything? Why should I label myself - categorizing all of my choices into one neat package as a herustic tool for others?

Nah...I'll just be myself I think.

Ignited Mind

2008-12-16T01:57:00.001+05:30

It is 1:35am and I am awake. I cannot sleep tonight - mostly because my brain is buzzing.

Recently, my mind is experiencing a resurgence of intellectual power - activated by my new found (and hopefully stable) internet connection. Coupled with my recent purchase of the Jabra BT3030 which allows me to listen to my phone wirelessly (and importantly using my favourite in-ear headphones) I am now reconnected with my world of podcasts (after an almost 6 month hiatus). I was listening today to Counterpoint, wherein they held a discussion on the silent problem of Australia's soon to explode population (not due to immigration before you xenophobes jump in). The BBC also had a bit on the situation in Zimbabwe, but that doesn't interest me so much. I think I'll un-subscribe to the News podcasts and focus more on the discovery, documentary and analysis ones (as the news is old by the time I get to it on my listening list)

I also have the itch to get back to school and learn - this has resulted in two things:

Restarting my hunt for a suitable graduate program. While I've already settled on my first choice, Birkbeck, the hunt is on for a contingency. Australia doesn't seem to work for me, so I've decided on Canada - I started my initial enquiries today. To my horror, they only offer a handful of Industrial/Organizational programs, and that too a percentage are in French! Oh well...
I've picked up a "condensed" MBA book - I just wanted to cover the basics so I don't feel like so much of an idiot. The marketing and ethics chapters were easy for someone of my disposition. Right now though, I'm chewing my way through the accounting section - this for me is a completely new undertaking, and so I am taking my time with it.

Work has also become more demanding - and sadly, it requires skills that I once had in abundance; namely, data analysis. I've been charged with data from one of our latest surveys, and asked to "make sense out of it". Something I used to do for kicks at UCL :) In my defence, we were trained in SPSS which handled a lot of the finer details. We just needed a conceptual understanding of the data, its structure, how it should be coded and what commands we required to perform the analysis we wanted. I've only MS Excel. I've gotten as far as a pivot table, but it stubbornly won't display the data the way I want it. Add to that the fact that I can't seem to get any inferential stats out of it and I ended up feeling pretty miserable today. All this points to the massive atrophy of the stats part of my brain - got knows what saprophytic menace is running around in my brain now.

What bothers me is looking my manager in the face and saying that I'll need more time to find a way to parse the data in a meaningful way and turn it into knowledge we can use. So far, I feel I've managed to meet her expectations (which I've been really proud of) but I feel this will be an occasion where I will have to let her down.

The really annoying thing is the data analysis I want to do is really simple! I mean, at least conceptually. If I had SPSS I'd first do some broad descriptives to get a feel for the data, then test any differences I thought looked interesting. I'd most probably use a Chi-square test as I don't think the data meets the requirements for parametric analysis. But here is the problem - there are loads of variables, and as far as I can tell, Excel doesn't allow me to select the independent and dependant variables. THAT is where I'm running into rocks (I think).

Perhaps an early morning run will help get my juices going...

...

...If only I could sleep, that is...

Personal Cycles & Capitalism

2008-12-14T22:16:00.001+05:30

As I'm learning more and more about my operation - writing my own user manual if you wish - I've learned that I seem to operate in cycles. Not regular cycles - so don't think of a y = sin(x) waveform or anything of the sort. The amplitude is far more variable than that.

A few weeks ago, my consciousness seemed to expand to encompass everything that surrounded me. I was in "flow" most of the time - and the sensation of so many things happening around me filled me with bliss - a euphoria rooted in a simple fact: That I was alive, and I was experiencing life, and that life was amazing.

I seem to be entering the other end of the spectrum now - my mind is closed, focused. I notice only incidental details of my environment. Crucially, this has done precious little to enhance my mood. On the contrary, I seem to be less happy than I was before.

Not that I am particularly worried. I know this is part of a phase, and soon I will be my usual optimistic self, blasting everyone I meet with a dose of Stan brand sunshine.

But I do want to rant a little. I've been hearing a lot about how the economic crisis is a direct result of capitalism. And I see the traditional defenders of capitalism capitulate and admit that there is an endemic flaw within the system.

Nonsense.

Call me a purist, but what we've observed is nothing akin to capitalism at all. If anything, what we are witnessing is the result of people becoming to lazy to generate their own value, and are instead relying on other people to generate value for them. A central tenet of objectivism states that true business can only be conducted when one exchanges value for value. Anything else would be cheating.

I'm not in the mood to fully elaborate - but this is how I feel right now: Capitalism is a great system, one which I greatly admire and try to adhere to. But this system of short cuts, or of finding ways to stretch value beyond its elasticity coefficient - this is not capitalism.

I think Capitalism as a philosophy is being made a scapegoat. And shame on its shepherds for having doubt in their own flock.

Today's secrets that spoke to me

2008-12-14T10:59:00.001+05:30

mmmm....

I don't know why, but this one made me laugh - so what's wrong with losing it to an Indian?

That sounds familiar...

Ouch! It can be a problem - its a male ego shattering experience, especially if the guy was into Darwin!

Studious Environment?

2008-12-13T12:42:00.001+05:30

One thing that I still can't quite figure out - without wanting to generalize, I believe I can make the following statement and not be too far off the mark: That Mumbai has loads of Colleges (what I consider universities) and therefore has a large number of students.

Why is it then, that there are almost NO communal study areas? I mean, where are the internet enabled libraries? Or even regular libraries?

I pose this questions because I face a dilemma. Right now I've got internet access - which now means I can get some serious work done at home. However, my laptop sits on my ironing board, which is causing me back problems as, well, an ironing board isn't all that ergonomic. So my options were:

Buy a desk and a chair: I've always maintained that a desk in my room is essential, so long as I've internet. This is the first time I've an internet enabled laptop and no desk - and frankly, it is curbing my productivity.
Find a library: So far, the only libraries I've found are meant only for reading books. No laptops allowed (even at the British Council).

Actually, it doesn't look like much of a dilemma. I need to get a desk and a chair :) Now where can I go to get one on the cheap? MMMmmm...

God Damn my tele-curse!

2008-12-13T12:19:00.001+05:30

I don't understand something - no matter what country I'm in, no matter what handset I use and no matter what network I subscribe to - I NEVER SEEM TO GET CALLS!!!!

Almost EVERYONE in my family seems to believe that I ignore their phone calls. Like JUST now - some of my family came to Mumbai from the UK and Macau. They arrived last night. Now I would have LOVED to meet them - I mean I haven't seen these people since April. They tried calling me repeatedly - and they got the "The Vodafone number number you are calling is currently unavailable" message. Even though my phone was right next to me! No missed calls were registered, nothing.

Now by some miracle they were able to get through ONCE - one missed called was registered. They tried several times. Only one call was registered. They are flying out of Mumbai within a half hour. So no chance to meet them.

I really don't understand why this happens. I only common factor I can think of between all the phones, networks and countries is, well, me. Somehow when I use a phone, it blocks phone calls.

If ANYONE knows how to address this please let me know.

Tired

2008-12-04T10:44:00.001+05:30

I don't want to become one of those bloggers who only blogs when they want to complain about something, and who only post sporadically because they are "tired". According to my adopted philosophy of life, objectivism, one need make time for the things one considers important.

I know blogging is good for me. I know the exercise of transmuting thoughts from thier etheral form to the concrete acts to lubricate my mind, fostering mental dexterity. And yet, I find myself without time these days. I mean, I haven't been spending time of Google Reader either - and consequently my knowledge of the world has plummeted.

I have found myself to be "busy".

BUT

Busy does not equal productive.

I need to start working smart again.

So what is stopping me?

That's the thing - I don't know. Perhaps I'm getting comfortable with my current life. But then again, I know that to be false - every day I am confronted with the same frustrations that let me to leave Macau: a feeling of stagnation to be more precise. A part of me is just longing to get into the groove of life, which right now isn't possible until I get my MSc.

MSc MSc MSc....that's become my new mantra in life. It's almost like some enchanted suit of armor that, once worn, will vanquish my insecurities and allow me to continue living.

Let's see how things move - I've got the "get off my ass" bug.

Let's hope it stays for a while :)

Cribber

2008-12-01T20:55:00.001+05:30

I've been cribbing for weeks about how I don't have an internet connection at home. And I've taken steps to get it resolved. Meanwhile at work I've been really busy and so haven't been able to access the sites I would normally do.

So today I took a chunk of time and decided to sit here in McDonald's and get my internet fix. And after sorting out the bare essentials - Facebook and Email (that too just checking for urgent messages)...

I came to a blank.

I mean, a real blank. I have about an hour of batter power left, roughly 20 more mins of credit in my McInternet account...and I can't think of anything to do. I mean, if I were at home, sipping on a latte, I would read some articles, get to my messages that require a long reply, do some research, download my podcasts...but given the obscenely tiny window I've got now (and the fact that McDonald's doesn't have ANY power outlets, I've decided to just finish updating my anti virus software.

Then I remember what enriched my life...

StumbleUpon

But I'm on Chrome, and as far as I know right now, StumbleUpon doesn't work on Chrome.

Oh well...

I know I'm having a LONG day when...

2008-11-20T15:31:00.001+05:30

I read

"Technical User"

"Testicular User"

Remembrance Day

2008-11-11T10:39:00.001+05:30

Today, the 11th of November, is Remembrance Day.

I ask that all of you reading this spare a minute or two in your productive lives to remember.

For many of you, you'd be too young to remember.

So I just imagine.

Imagine what it was like, fighting for one's country. For one's ideals. Imagine crossing dangerous terrain to slay others so that our ideals may live on. Imagine the grief caused to the families of the dead, from all sides, by the death of a loved one.

Those were bloody years.

May thier lives not be wasted. May we not repeat the mistakes made that caused these individuals to sacrifice themselves.

May we learn to live. And thrive.

To those who have fought so that I may live in the world as it stands today, Thank you.

To those who have fought so that I may speak English, communicate my thoughts and ideas freely and be accountable to no dictator, Thank you.

To those who have fought so that we may live the way we choose and enjoy the fruits of our labour, Thank you.

To those who have fought so that we need not hide our religion, class or ethnicity, Thank you.

A New Tension

2008-11-10T12:15:00.001+05:30

The last few days have been rather interesting, from a personal growth perspective. I cannot quite put my finger on it, I cannot provide a exhaustive list of reasons why I feel the way I do now, less so the reasons why these have come into existence.

What I do know - I feel like I want to change. I want something new. I've got that itch again, the same seed of which grew into my one way ticket to Mumbai International Airport.

I won't be leaving here anytime soon. But I feel I need to evolve again. I've settled in, I've hashed out a routine for myself, got my own place and more or less secured employment for the immediate future.

One thing I'd like to change now - my looks. I'm tired of my shirt/jeans/brown shoes look. I need a severe style injection. I think I'll go in for a more sophisticated look - black trousers and black shoes. Yeah - that sounds nice.

Another thing - I REALLY want a car. Mobility. I hate having to rely on the trains (even though they are much more reliable, and frequent, than the London Underground) since they stop at about 1230am.

There are aspects of myself that have grown soft, which I need to harden - I want to take the GRE again, if anything, just to sharpen my mind and regain some mental dexterity. I want to start running again.

I want a new haircut. The Rs. 400 I paid for what I have now was a waste - how I miss you, Dominique! (She was my French Vidal Sassoon trained stylist in Macau, who was the ONLY person to understand my hair).

Let's see if I can make these things materialize

Power

2008-10-30T12:41:00.001+05:30

Power.

I never really understood its allure. Until I realized I was drunk on it.

I remember as a child, watching stereotypical movies where the bad guy is "bad" because he wants power. All of it. Over everything. Cue numerous references to He Man, Star Wars and any other sci fi classics (why they wanted this power and for what is another discussion)

When I look at my history, with Jerusha's help, I found that one of the most pervasive cognitive threads in my life is my desire for control. But not control over other people (yes to some extent, but not Machiavellian control). Control over myself, my performance and my behaviour.

I never realized how tightly I control myself until very recently, when I was exposed to an area of myself that I hadn't thought to investigate. And it scared me - that there were parts of my cognitive machinery that I hadn't noticed.

The question that comes to mind, via objectivism, is "Does this machinery add value to my life?"

So far, the answer to that question has been a resounding "yes". Trying to control as many factors as possible has allowed me to take responsibility for my performance and productivity.

But there is a tendency here, a negative one: When I encounter a situation that I didn't anticipate, when I encounter something I cannot control, when something derails my plans, it shakes me up emotionally.

I've gotten better at controlling this - if my plans were derailed it would have taken a few days for me to get back on track. Now it takes a few hours for me to move on. I've been able to do this by taking a Darwinian approach - looking for the selection pressures in my environment and evolving accordingly.

This is what I really wish to say - I can now understand why the pursuit of power is intoxicating. I don't agree with the pursuit of material power, or power over people (any management guru will validate that). But what I do crave is power over IDEAS. Yes. THAT is my addiction. If there is a concept that I haven't heard of before, I awaken and pursue its source until I've mastered it. When someone physically presents me with an idea, I devour it.

The basis of this? I detest ignorance. The human mind is such an amazing thing - neglect is unforgivable.

This has resulted in my near relentless quest for self improvement.

So what has happened? What is different? What have I learned?

Bombay happened. I no longer have immediate access to information; that is different.

But the learning is proving harder to elucidate. I've learnt to relax, I've learnt to accept that I needn't be constantly "on". I've learned to follow - that the best vision isn't necessarily mine.

As is typical of us Librans, I find myself sliding from one extreme to another - I now find myself complacent. Eeew.

I want my power back.

Poverty of Mind

2008-10-23T13:20:00.001+05:30

In a bout of angry energy and frustration, I have decided to focus the lens of this combustion on my belated contribution to Blogger Action Day and speak about poverty.

As is idiosyncratic of me and my take on the world of ideas, I have decided to speak about a different poverty.

A poverty of mind.

There are countless blog posts talking about the "poor in Africa", of impoverished communities and emaciated children with protruding bellies. A smaller percentage spoke of ways in which the "developed world" can contribute to alleviating poverty - buying fair trade goods, donating to UNICEF or Oxfam, etc.

The white "Make Poverty History" band burns on my wrist as I write this.

I believe it was General Patton (I could be wrong) who said "When you see a pile of shit, stop swatting the flies and get rid of the shit".

All these practices, while admirable in that at least something is being done, are just targeting the symptoms.

Myself, and a few others like me, believe there is only one real way around poverty:

Education

That forms the basis of everything. Everything flows from there. The second building block:

Entrepreneurship & Self Empowerment

The first equips people with the tools to truly see the world, and the second allows people to look at their environment and discover how to sustain themselves from it (via true capitalistic principles) (yes, the objectivist in me is talking again)

The third building block:

Self Sufficiency

Stop breast feeding third world countries. Let them grow up on their own. Let them discover what works for them. Yes, chaos will abound, but isn't it already? Look at Darfur for example. I mean, yes, it is a horrible situation...and we (the developed world) are just swatting at flies. Why hasn't a resolution come about yet? Why are the Ganjaweed persistently trying to ethnically cleanse their land? What benefits do they find in such an activity? Yeah...I could go on about that, but I digress

Why isn't anyone talking about Poverty of Mind? That is something I don't understand.

I've lost my steam.

My main point (for now) - we must focus on a lot more than just food, water and medicine. Education should be a priority. That too, I'm not talking about Gap Year English teachers from the UK/US. I mean locally trained teachers following local curricula designed around what is important locally.

And of course, a bit of philosophy wouldn't hurt :)

Sick...and Dancing

2008-10-21T14:22:00.000+05:30

After months of being disease free, of laughing in the face of pathogens, of pulling off stunts of the immune system, I too have fallen prey.

Nothing serious of course - a mild fever and a sore throat; Indicative of a mild bacterial/viral infection. Too much bad stuff at the moment, so my body is stepping up its immune response to cope to keep things in equilibrium. I suppose it was only a matter of time before I was felled.

I'm quite happy though at how long I lasted, what with everyone wheezing around me, living less than sterile conditions and the rats that chase cats...

Tango is also going well; I've picked up the new moves though of course I need to do quite a bit of polishing now; I showed up for the beginners class yesterday thinking I'd just chill out and watch - but there were loads more girls than guys so I "reluctantly" joined in. So essentially I was dancing to Tango music from 730 till 1130 - four straight hours. By the end I was not only exhausted but "Tango-ed out". The rhythms no longer reverberated in me and my feet just refused to glide.

There are a few extra classes coming up over the next few weeks - one is a regular dance session, but the other two are special ones run by guest instructors. Who are both women. Yes - one woman leading another.

I'd just like to say - that's damn hot :)

I'm also learning more about leading - unfortunately I let myself get too involved in the technicalities yesterday to fully enjoy dancing - and I think that's a common stumbling block. Once you've just digested new ways to move on the dance floor - lining them up is tricky. It also didn't help that I had a fundamental misconception regarding one move - which stifled me throughout the evening; I resolved it in the end, but I was far too tired to play with it.

I also taught a few new comers yesterday - and was surprised at how quickly these people took to it! Within a few minutes I had a complete novice into ochos and out! I then learned that she was a professional jazz dancer...so yeah, less down to my skills as a teacher :P

Life, otherwise, is good.

Blog Action Day

2008-10-15T19:51:00.001+05:30

I was about to leave from work after a long day, and I suddenly remember that TODAY is Blog Action day - a day when I was supposed to have an article ready about poverty.

And I have forgotten.

I can blame various factors, but I don't want to play the blame game. I didn't make it a priority.

But I will write an article on Poverty - from a psychologist's point of view.

But right now, I've a presentation tomorrow with the head of the HR department...so I'll post the day after.

Sucks

2008-10-14T16:48:00.001+05:30

I'm not in a very eloquent mood today, so I'll be blunt.

I've had internet access at my home for just a week. Seven days. And now the connection is gone.

Now the circus of getting Hathway to figure out what the problem is begins. Already, I've spoken to two NEW people, rushed home at 6pm sharp to welcome a non-existent technician, obtained a "complaint code" which is just that - a code with no promise of follow up...

I just don't understand this - I live in one of the many business districts of Bombay. One would THINK we'd at least have decent internet connectivity - its not like I'm living in some villiage in the Punjab region.

Oh well - I'm not letting it get to me. I managed to download a wad of podcasts while my internet worked. I'm also happy that it was of sufficient speed for me to watch the Daily Show, which satisfies my needs.

But to NOT watch the Daily Show just weeks before the election?!? Torture.

Nonsense

2008-10-05T02:03:00.001+05:30

I'm in a funny mood. I'm so many things at once today - my scales have been tipped to one side, and now another...

I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.

I'm still amazed at my discovery - that one's personality can be shaped by your will. This draws upon the school of thought within psychology that there is no such thing as a "concrete personality"...what what we are is in a constant state of flux, depending on our external circumstances. I look at it from a perpendicular angle and argue that the self can be modified - which essentially means that the only constant is one's will.

Why am I bringing this up now?

I'm building myself into something I love. And in the process, I've to pick apart the areas that I hate, transmute them, or at least ensure that they aren't as prominent. I don't feel I'm making any fundamental changes to my philosophy - so long as I guide myself using objectivist principles.

But there is something nagging me. There is a part that I want to excise now...that I've wanted to excise since August. And I was successful. Partially. Deep down I fear I may not be able to fully surgically remove this part of me because, well, I'll keep that reason to myself.

One thing is for sure though - I'm happier now than I've been in a while. A large part of that happiness is due to my will, my own generation of happiness.

But when my generator doesn't work, as it didn't for a few hours two weeks ago, the world becomes a dark place again.

This makes me wonder - are those people who are truly happy happy because their generator never shuts down?

Or are they happy in the dark?

From what I gather from the literature on positive psychology, the answers always require more data to be definite. But I'm more or less convinced by the argument that happiness is the result of one's perspective - essentially we need to generate our own happiness. From what I've learnt from the Secret, that makes a lot of sense.

And here lies the core of objectivist philosophy - what if I am a person who doesn't want to be happy? What if I wish to shun life? What if I want to destroy it?

From my brief "death" in 2005, I know that that isn't the path for me. A life in suspended animation is no life at all.

So what am I doing ruminating over this well trod path?

I needed reminding of how far I've come
I wanted to conduct a review of what I've learnt
To remind myself of what makes me happy

And besides, I can't sleep just yet.

And I should also say - Bombay at 2am is beautifully chilled and quiet. Seeking a good vantage point is a must.

It is Late - again

2008-10-04T01:30:00.001+05:30

It is far too late for me to be posting - but since having the internet at home hasn't become old yet, and since I'm just rebelling against the idea of falling asleep, I'm going to write a short post - to squeeze out whatever creative juice I have remaining for the evening...

A pigeon has been trying to nest in my kitchen ever since I've moved in. I've managed to kick him out often enough so that he gets the message - that the kitchen is off limits.

But I've now found him nesting on my window ledge, which is technically outside my window, and therefore outside my house. I still shoo him away.

But today, at 1:26am I leant on my window frame to absorb the cool, quiet Bombay air. And there he was, just sitting there, not even half an arms length from me. I could have grabbed him if I wanted to.

Instead, we just stared at each other. For a good 5 minutes. He was probably too sleepy to give a crap about the prospect of me cooking him for dinner, and I was too lethargic to shoo him away. So we continued looking at each other for a while.

And we both then turned out attention to the amazingly cool night air. And we just stayed that way for about 15 mins, enjoying the pleasant evening.

I've decided to call him Ferguson. Ferguson Pigeon. Tonight, he displayed uncharacteristic bravery. He has also displayed an amazing amount of determination and gumption over the past 2 months.

He has earned his name.

Too damn late

2008-10-03T02:46:00.001+05:30

Its almost 3am. I'm still up when I should be asleep.

I'm up because I decided to try and sort out one of my most pressing computer problems - my massive /windows/installer folder. It is 6GB, which may not be large in absolute terms, but my C: has a total capacity of 20GB - so its over 25% of my space gone for who knows what...

After doing some research, it seems I should be able to delete most of these files, but upgrading my programs later on becomes a pain. Also, the main program that seems to have copied its patches over 400+ times into that folder is the Microsoft .Net framework files. Maybe its the time but right now I can seem to decipher whether these are necessary for me to run Microsoft applications, or for me to CREATE Microsoft applications.

I'm not planning on becoming a programmer any time soon...but I use Microsoft applications all the time.

Dilemma...

A New Age

2008-10-02T17:48:00.001+05:30

After 5 months of being in the dark...

I HAVE AN INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME!!!!!

There are a few things to be worked out - like why I'm surfing at prehistoric speeds (the result of 10 speed tests: I'm connected at a bandwidth narrower than a 14.4k modem), which Hathway promised to look into...but at the very least I can blog and check my facebook.

Lets hope this stimulates my creative side :)

Leading...and Following

2008-09-30T16:26:00.001+05:30

I've always thought of myself as a democratic leader. I've been reading up on the liturature on how to lead, what people think of leadership, how it should NOT be conducted, etc. Indeed, if one looks at my CV, you won't see me in positions other than those in which I've led or spearheaded initiatives (that's how I've marketed myself).

When I had sumited a personal statement, indented for my Master's course, for review by a trusted friend and colleague, she mentioned something quite telling about me - that I don't like following.

Of course, as a defence mechanism, I denyed it. But recently two paralell situations have brought this into focus.

Part of my work requires me to work in a multi locational group, and we have a designated leader. While I respect my leader's opinion, there are times when I want to go one way with a project and my leader wants to go in another direction. This is a situation I'm very familiar with.

In my Tango classes, the men have to learn to lead, while the women learn to follow. Many of the women I danced with have thier own rhythm and want to perform thier own manouvers - and consequently missed my signals;we would end up stuttering and spurting.

But then I danced with two professionals. And my, what a difference it made - they weren't concerned with the music or the surroundings - they where singularly focused on the signals I was emitting, however misguided or off beat. But the result - we were dancing! And rather beautifully too.

This taught me something about my behaviour in my team at work - that while I have my own opinions and views on how our work is progressing, if I learn to follow, the result can be even more beautiful than a compromise between two viewpoints.

In essence - the past few weeks have have taught me how to lead...and more importantly for my development, how to follow.

The learning continues...

Itching to Write

2008-09-27T16:06:00.001+05:30

Creativity strikes at the oddest of times.

As I decend the stairs of my apartment block
As I get a cup of coffee from the coffee machine
As I fight for a niche on the local train
As I bathe
As I travel across states

And on many of these occations, I have nothing to record my thoughts. I tried using my phone, but to capture passion one character at a time is, well, not effective. By the time I've jotted down a few sentances, my train of thought has long gone.

Many a time I have tried to bring my laptop with me, writing wherever I was, and posting the resulting text whenever I get to an internet connection. But somehow that never seemed to work - I need to get something posted, and it needs to be uploaded then. Not later.

Just over the past week, there have been at least two or three topics that I wanted to write about

Poverty
Happiness
Psychology
Politics

And on each of these occations, I never have the will to write anymore by the time I get to the nearest internet enabled keyboard.

As I sit here in the office on a Saturday, trying to make up for a week's worth of ideas and writing, I find myself frustrated...where have all my good ideas gone?!?

Also, there is a quiality about my office that makes me sleepy...maybe its because I just ate lunch? MMmmm...

Incidentally, I met an interesting individual while waiting for my haircut...the Canadian Trade Commissioner to India. We had a splendid time talking...

And he made me realize something.

Just how far from "Western" culture I've come.

I could identify with most of the cultural memes he mentioned. I could converse with him in relative comfort. He frew upon his vast knowledge of international affairs and I drew upon my understanding of people who engage in international affiars.

What struck me was his attitude...that "friendliness". That "openess". That "trust". That "transparency". The aversion to "chamcha" or "brown nosing". These things seemed so far away to me - characteristics that I had to shed or transmute in order to live in this social climate.

And I found it refreshing!

I also know a lot more about Canada :)

Misuse of my blog

2008-09-27T15:28:00.001+05:30

I have been posting my personal thoughts and experiences on the Internet since 2004, and have found it to be, initially, a largely therapeutic experience. It has also been an excellent exercise in writing, and has contributed in no small part to my current level of writing.

However, as an increasing number of people have started reading my blog, I am becoming acutely aware of the risks involved in posting personal remarks and opinions in a public forum. Some of these "by products" have been foreseen and are encountered by many others that share such a passion - people disagreeing with what I write for example, and subsequently writing to me to voice their protest.

I am completely fine with this. This is part of the process of the formulation of good ideas - they required the hard UV exposure that is "other people's opinion" in order for them to survive in the wild.

But recently, I have been made aware of a different type of attention, and one that, sadly, I seem to have little control over. I wish to protect the identity of those involved, so I will make this statement as best I can.

If anybody in the larger world has issues or concerns relating to my blog - be they about the content, style, tone or anything else - please do take it up with me. Just leave a comment below the offending post and initiate a conversation. I will respond if the comment warrants one.

Do NOT approach members of my family

It is highly unprofessional, slightly unethical, and frankly, my family should not be held accountable for what I write. Most of us live in democratically anchored societies, where the individual is held accountable for their beliefs.

I don't write loosely. I am prepared to defend my thoughts (including my right to publish whatever I choose).

So there you go. Stop bothering my family and contact me directly. Email me if you have my address. If you don't, submit a comment below my posts (they are not moderated).

The Source

2008-09-19T10:21:00.001+05:30

The last few weeks have been the most intense of my recent life. And for several reasons - most of which you are already familiar with. The most drastic change I've undergone is my mini-enlightenment - where I found myself perpetually in love with everything around me. It was, indeed, a beautiful experience.

But then this morning - it stopped. I woke up a little earlier than usual to finish off my laundry - and as I was hanging my shirts to dry in my kitchen it started raining. Not a torrential type of rain, but a gentle, massaging rain. It was still too early for any major activity on the streets and so the city from my window was quiet, save for the sound of the rain. It was beautiful - so I stopped and looked out the window and watched the city being washed.

But when I went back to doing my laundry, the aura around everything had vanished. I would look at my bucket and see the dinosaurs that died to create the oil that was harvested for raw material, the scientists and engineers that made making plastic economical and the distribution network that brought the bucket to me. When I looked at my bucket now, it was just a bucket.

On the short walk to work, I was caught in my own world again, ruminating over things and making my plans. Ten I saw a child on the road, she must have been 11 - just standing there, looking lost. I was about to think of some depressing remark of how such people need to be educated so they can get jobs and contribute to the economy, etc. but then I realized that she wasn't lost at all. She was guarding the newspapers of a newspaper deliverer while he was making bundles to sell to corporations. That snapped me out of my daze. I then just stood there, in the middle of the road and took everything in. There was a girl in her 20s, talking on the phone. By the way she was smiling, it must have been her boyfriend wishing her good luck for the day ahead. The street family, as usual, was busy with thier daily routine - but today the children weren't as happy as they normally are. Then I notice it, and I see what's wrong. Everyone seemed to be in a state of consternation. Fewer smiles. Not as many people were happy.

I then looked at my options. I cold act like a sponge and just soak in everything - making me no better than everything around me.

I could become a source of happiness - and blast my now trademark optimism at everyone I see.

There is a nice chinese poverb I remember - It is easy to meditate in a quiet forest. But true strength lies in the ability to meditate in the middle of a market.

The take home message for me? It is easy to exude happiness when everyone else is happy. The challenge is to do the same when everyone around you is sad.

So I looked deep into myself to find the source of my happiness. I was surpised at how hard I had to look, but I found it. I then brought it back to the surface...

And I started walking to work - looking at everyone and feeling nothing but benevolence.

But when I reached work, I was exhausted.

That taught me two things:

It IS extremely hard to be optimistic and happy when everyone around you is sad
Exhaustion was an indication that the process I was engaging in has an element of endurance. And like any biological organism, endurance can be built upon - just like a muscle.

My optimism, my positive thinking, my appreciation of the beauty surrounding me, is a muscle! I just needed to rest for a bit!

What a discovery! Now I need only understand how to recharge myself...

Coffee - again - dammit!

2008-09-18T11:45:00.001+05:30

I'm not used to getting hyper - I drank my cappuchino as a precautionary measure against my 11am down phase...

and look what's happened - I can no longer focus, and I've a database to build

Oh well...maybe some fresh air will do me some good...

The funny thing is - coffee has never really affected me, until this month.

I promise to write more often, though not only when I'm on a caffeine spree :)

Coffee Power

2008-09-16T17:38:00.001+05:30

Crap. I've drunk too much coffee again.

And I'm hyper.

And I'm at work.

I just want to hug everyone in the office

Looks like I've rebuilt my sensitivity to coffee again...

Blog Action Day

2008-09-16T10:58:00.001+05:30

I've decided to contribure to Blog Action Day 2008. The topic this year is "Poverty".

I've got my own take on this - and I'll be writing about it shortly. Right now I'm tired from last night's Tango and so my brain isn't funcitoning optimally.

Life is Funny

2008-09-12T11:02:00.001+05:30

Some days you wake up and go to work, and nothing seems to go right. You're in the wrong frame of mind. You're thinking of other things. People don't talk to you properly. Work gets delayed.

Then there are other days when you wake up early, have a nice breakfast, whistle your way to work, and everything goes smoothly. People call you back, your mind is lucid and ideas flow. What seemed a mountain yesterday is nothing more than a obtuse lump.

Life is, indeed, funny.

Appreciation

2008-09-10T21:29:00.001+05:30

Recently, if I were to use Paulo Coelho's lens to look at what's been happening around me, I would say that life is trying to teach me to be appreciative. The books I've been reading, the messages I've been receiving, the things that are happening in my life and that of my friends'...if I were to try and elucidate a common theme (yes yes I know, hindsight is particularly prone to apophenic conclusions) I would say that life, or indeed God, is trying to tell me to look around more, to understand my position at the moment, and just how much investment has gone into making me what I am at the moment.

It's also been a time for reflection, a time to look at all my goals and ambitions. The last time I did this throughly was some months ago, back in November.

Is it time I re-evaluate my mission? I've read that one should do this on a continuous basis. I found it easier to set goals and stick with them for a period of time. During that time, entertain no doubts, think of no excuses, just focus on execution.

Maybe I should think about what I want from my life.

For those who know me well, fear not - as far as my career is concerned, I'm very certain of my career path. I still feel I can make a difference the way I had originally planned.

But there are other parts of my life that will now require renovation. Personal development goals for example. I told myself that I'd like to:

See the Himalayas
Learn to ride a Horse
Take up Archery
Understand "Indian" Culture, and elucidate its underlying principles and assumptions. (There are four cultures which baffle me, which I wish to immerse myself in to understand better: Japanese, Arabic, Indian and Russian) (And a word to those who told me that Indian Culture is far too diverse to break down into a coherent model: Impossible is Nothing)

These are things that, while my old life never prevented me from doing, I had allocated resources to other investments.

Is it the right time for me to pursue these things?

Why? Because the dust still hasn't settled on my current life. Things are still very much in flux. And the way things look likely to progress, it would be till January 2009 that I'll be able to start focusing on these goals.

But at least I have them. I have my direction, and I will achieve them.

I just need my time.

But returning to the point of this post - I need to appreciate what I have at the moment.

Everyday on my way to work I pass this large street family. They are a "typical" (god I hate the word but nothing else comes to mind) street family - husband, wife, sisters and brothers, loads of children and a couple of elderly members too. All are devoid of at least one piece of clothing. Some have no clothing. They defecate in the streets, bathe in the street, sleep on the street. They make religious garlands for a living. They have no property or possessions to speak of.

Their default emotional state? Happy.

They of course have their ups and downs, but on the whole they seem to be happy. I'm guessing one reason that is is because they have each other.

But more so, I'm sure they are appreciative of what they have.

So in that spirit, I wish to make a list of the things I am grateful for:

God - for letting me know he's there every now and again, and for making his absence sorely felt on occasion
My body - I have all my physical faculties
My mind - I am free of the demons that I spent months studying, and have a lucidity that I must maintain
My parents - for having the courage to let me be, to allow me to burn myself so that I may evolve as a human being, for caring for me when I needed it, and for distancing themselves when I needed it
My family - (which I am only beginning to discover) for tolerating my eccentricities, for putting up with my quirks and my delayed time lines, and still accepting me for what I may or may not be, for loving me in a way I have yet to understand and fully appreciate
My education - If life is a war, then one's mind is your weaponry. My education has allowed me to sharpen my mettle to the best of it's potential
My culture - for allowing me to tolerate so much, and to assimilate even more
Harps - for the lessons she taught me about ambition, focus and what it takes to make difficult choices
Natasha - for helping me to learn what unconditional love meant, for teaching me what it means to think about the future in terms of "us", for the importance of understanding oneself, and for the importance of having a "mission"
My Friends - for understanding what I am, and knowing exactly how to treat me and how to make me feel like a million dollars
Anthony Atkins - For showing me what sheer willpower and balls of steel can achieve, for accepting my many quirks and somehow managing to make me laugh at them and for demonstrating what one brother will do for another
Ahmed Iqbal - for being a kindred spirit in our intellect and ambition, for showing me another side of the world that I would never have known of, for having the balls to stand up to demons that I would have run away from, for the many years of companionship that convinced me that there is indeed hope for the world
Marcia Gonsalves - for loving me as fully and as purely as a big brother could hope for, for staying up with me during my darkest nights convincing me that I am not alone, for always making me feel complete and whole, and for being the little sister I've always wanted but never had
Carlos Menezes - for the privilege of watching him grow and develop, for being one of the few constant constellations in my ever changing sky, for being my intellectual parter in so many mental endeavors, for the many MANY evenings just chilling and talking making me feel connected, and for being the little brother that I've always wanted, and always had

For now, that is my honour roll.

Another Day at the Office

2008-09-09T11:33:00.001+05:30

I hate 11am

And there are reasons for this

It is the time in between breakfast and lunch. It is normally around this time that I feel the effects of the type of breakfast I've eaten; If I've eaten an omelet, then I'm hungry again. If I've eaten my muesli, then I feel rather heavy.
I get sleepy around about this time. Most people have naps in the afternoon - part of the blood rushing to your gut after lunch process. That doesn't happen to my for some reason - I instead get sleepy at around 11am, before lunch. I feel like this for a good hour or so - fighting the urge to nap is an uphill struggle, and so far I seem to be winning.

I went for my second Tango class yesterday, and to my relief, there was a good balance of women to men, so I almost always had a partner. The people themselves seemed quite friendly, so this should be fun.

I still seem to have problems with keeping the Tempo - I've always learnt the Tango at half tempo, so I'm obviously moving far too slowly. I tried to do a full tempo Tango yesterday but my rhythm got messed up.

I also met a group of people who dance, it seems, almost everyday. I've been invited to a "Salsa night" on Thursday. Ordinarily I would have jumped at the opportunity but something's holding me back.

Salsa holds many memories for me - its a very emotionally laden dance for me. I've only ever danced to Salsa with women who I've loved. Outside of those two women, I've never Salsa'd with anyone else. I don't even like to Salsa that much anyway - to me its a gimmicky dance - so the attraction is further diminished that way.

I'm also beginning to look at myself differently as well - I've become far too "stiff" and "uptight" in the way I live my life. Because I'm on a mission, that I have goals and ambitions, and because I have hewn these via an arduous process of self assessment, I feel that anything that detracts from this goal is a waste of time. But in the process of this single minded dedication I've become lifeless.

I've trained myself that way...I see a nice shirt in a shop and I turn away, telling myself that it is irrelevant to my mission. I see diversions that I would otherwise enjoy, but tell myself that it has nothing to do with my mission. That is how I've almost killed my love of movies, my love for the art of storytelling.

Harps told me that I was a man of extremes - I was either annoyingly flaccid or unreasonably rigid. I was never able to find the middle ground. I would either enjoy life to the fullest, without saving any money, or I would save every cent I had and eat chocolate powder for dinner.

This is happening now - at work I'm at work, and so it is its own contribution to my mission. When I leave work, and because I don't have access to the Internet yet, I struggle to come up with things to do. I feel guilty if I decide to enjoy myself and, say, go to an arcade or look for a movie screening. But I can't do anything toward my mission at home - so I end up lying in bed and reading...which has worked.

But I've stopped that, and for the past week, I've tried to enjoy myself without compromising the mission - hence the Tango lessons. There is more I wish to do...

...but I need to understand that I can hold onto my mission with one hand whilst having fun with the other.

Flow

2008-09-08T13:41:00.001+05:30

Hat Tip to Management Craft

Over the weekend, I picked up the one CD version of the book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. It's highly abridged and just a summary, but it was a nice reminder of the eight characteristics of the flow experience:

1. CLEAR GOALS: We know what we have to do, the rules and our goals are clear (not confusing, not conflicting). We know what we want to accomplish each moment. The whole activity is very clearly focused.

2. REAL TIME FEEDBACK: We know if we are getting closer to our goal or moving away from it. Feedback is immediate, we know how things are going in real time. Clear feedback enables us to improve, monitor progress, and to concentrate.

3. SKILLS MATCH THE CHALLENGE: What we can do and what there is to do are in balance. We are neither overwhelmed nor bored. The job is appropriately demanding and this makes the work more interesting and enjoyable - even addictive. When our skills and activities are in balance, we get slowly sucked into it and feel compelled to continue.

4. FOCUS: In everyday life, we often try to do many things at once and pay attention to more than one task. When experiencing flow, our attention focuses on a single activity. We focus and concentrate on what we are doing. When focused, we can accomplish more and experience a feeling of inner harmony.

5. NO WORRIES: When having a flow experience, we cannot be distracted by other problems. We do not think about everyday frustrations. Our concentration and focus ensures we do not worry about these things. We can´t afford to let our mind wander. It is a great feeling of relief to be living in the present. A flow experience can be a form of forward escape. Instead of dealing with the usual reality, it creates a new and more interesting reality. Relief from the past and constraints moves us into a whole new experience.

6. CONTROL: We feel that we can be in control of our life, and are in control of our experience. Being in flow is about being on the edge of control and no control. Control is possible, but only when we are doing our best work. We know that if we prepare ourselves, we can match anything that comes our way.

7. NO EGO: When they are having a Flow Experience we are not self-conscious - we lose our ego! We do not worry about what other people think about us. When in flow, we don´t have the luxury of worrying about ourself, we are busy concentrating and very involved in what we are doing. In the depth of flow, we feel as though we are transcending our individuality to become part of the larger experience. No longer isolated, and part of the energy flowing about. Ironically, this sense of transcendence builds self-esteem after the flow experience is over. We forget ourself for the moment, but after, we feel stronger.

8. SENSE OF TIME TRANSFORMS: When experiencing flow, our sense of time is transformed. In flow, hours get condensed into minutes or visa versa, seconds become minutes (because so much is packed into the moment). Time adapts itself to the experience rather than the other way around.

The beauty of flow is that you can achieve it doing every day things, even when stuck in rush hour traffic or while waiting for the dentist to drill holes in your mouth. Those who live in flow, set many goals throughout the day and measure their actions against them. I do this when riding my motorcycle with how I turn and where in the road I position myself, etc...

And you can achieve flow as a manager in the way you conduct your day and the smaller goals you set for yourself throughout the day. Don't be a victim of your chaos and circumstances, build this into your day by setting and working goals for how you deal with the daily fire fighting and ad-hoc interruptions. As I write in Focus Like a Laser Beam, use tiny pockets of time to get big things done and see the momentum of your day go way up.

I realize that Bill is in flow a lot when he works on the computer doing mathematical modeling for his geology work and also while cooking. He loses all track of time and seems to be in an impenetrable bubble. I need to remind myself that this is a good thing the next time his being in flow causes him to lose track of time and be late

Caffeine in my Brain...

2008-09-07T23:02:00.001+05:30

Hello....

I'm in Barista, and I made the mistake of ordering a large cappuccino.

The result? My brain is not clicking over at about 3 GHz. When normally I function at about 1.5 GHz.

Right now I'm thinking about so many different things, and I'm getting annoyed at myself for not thinking about them quicker, or for not typing them out faster. I need to chill out...

But while I'm here, I might as well right a little something

I've received a message from the constellation of people who love me...that they are worried that I think that my life, as it stands at the moment, is pants. Rubbish. Crap.

I will now take this opportunity, hopped up on copious amounts of caffeine, to set this record straight.

I am not depressed, nor am I sad.

Well, ok, that's an oversimplification.

There are parts of my life that have been blown to bits. Demolished. Sichwan has nothing on me when it comes to having foundations rattled.

But that is one aspect of my life. There are other aspects of my life.

When taken as a whole, my life is the best its been in a while.

Back in February, during what could be interpreted as my exit interview, I made a commitment to myself - that before the year ends, I will be financially independent.

Its now September. I now work for one of the largest organizations in the world. I have my own place in a prime piece of real estate in the largest city in the world (by population). I've learnt more in the last few weeks than I have in the prior year. I've now a formalized career path, the possibility of working abroad, and am working toward my mid term gateway goal of qualifying as a Chartered Organizational Psychologist.
Not bad for 6 months eh?

I'm now learning more about the soul of this ancient city, of the people that populate it, of new ways of living.

I'm now doing things I thought were previously non-doable. I'm learning to Tango, Argentinian style. I'm making friends who collectively, have seen much more of the world that I could possibly read about.

My mind, what was rotting, has now shaken of a considerable amount of rust off. I'm now catching up to my prior levels of academic and intellectual competence. My mind is growing in new ways, mostly though my discovery of Anthropology and Sociology.

I've learnt that I can read the Moscow Times as soon as I wake up. The Financial Times during a coffee break at work. Education policy in the UK in between emails.

With my company's access to large subscription based libraries, I've searchable and downloadable access to my company's global publication output, as well as over 18,000 publications from across the world. (I read about Macau through a newspaper in South Africa for example)

But as I may have mentioned in my previous post, I may be spending far too much time sharpening my mind, and not enough on my body (and funny bone).

Once my sleep cycle settles down, I intend on resuming my daily runs and gym sessions (these stopped when I moved as I just couldn't sleep right)

In short, my life has expanded - and I'm happy in this new richness.

I still have no internet at home, and I haven't listened to my precious podcasts, but that's minor.

So overall, my life is richer than it was before, and I am indeed happy. Very much so.

I would have been a lot happier, but hey...when you have to limp, you limp until your leg gets better. But I refuse to stop walking.

After all - if I wish to cultivate an objectivist mind, I'll need to react to pain accordingly.

Nice Quote

2008-09-04T17:09:00.001+05:30

"Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won't, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can't"

I believe in this.

In some ways I miss my days at Ripples, when I was an entrepreneur. A real one.

Another Brick in my Theory

2008-09-02T12:55:00.001+05:30

I read an interesting article today, via the Frontal Cortex. Here is the excerpt I read:

Teresa Belton, a research associate at East Anglia University in England, first got interested in daydreaming while reading a collection of stories written by children in elementary school. Although Belton encouraged the students to write about whatever they wanted, she was startled by just how uninspired most of the stories were.
"The tales tended to be very tedious and unimaginative," Belton says, "as if the children were stuck with this very restricted way of thinking. Even when they were encouraged to think creatively, they didn't really know how."

After monitoring the daily schedule of the children for several months, Belton came to the conclusion that their lack of imagination was, at least in part, caused by the absence of "empty time," or periods without any activity or sensory stimulation. She noticed that as soon as these children got even a little bit bored, they simply turned on the television: the moving images kept their minds occupied. "It was a very automatic reaction," she says. "Television was what they did when they didn't know what else to do."

The problem with this habit, Belton says, is that it kept the kids from daydreaming. Because the children were rarely bored - at least, when a television was nearby - they never learned how to use their own imagination as a form of entertainment. "The capacity to daydream enables a person to fill empty time with an enjoyable activity that can be carried on anywhere," Belton says. "But that's a skill that requires real practice. Too many kids never get the practice."

Now what theory does this relate to? The Indian and Chinese education system. In essence, it kills innovation. And not just at the primary and secondary level.

The Indian School of Business, a premier business insitute in India, proudly states that its compressed post graduate course is so tightly packed that a student would have to work 18 hours a day to keep up. It then compares itself to other courses, such as an MBA at Harvard or Kellog (which are two year programs) and states that you'd be saving time (and money) by applying to the Indian School of Business.

This all relates to something I've talked about before. The School system in the UK is such that you have ample free time. From what I gathered about graduate and postgraduate programs, when you compare the schedules of those in India and the UK/US, you've a LOT more free time on your hands. People have tried to convince me that its a bad thing, that the Western system just wastes time.

NOTHING is a waste of time as far as I am concerned.

People don't seem to make the link that PERHAPS the free time is PART of the learning process. I would never have come up with my theory of identity if I was constantly working on something. Once can only really innovate when one has the time and license to do so. Packing a student's schedule with hours of lectures isn't the way to foster innovation. From my reading of the study of geniuses, one important common denominator was that they were all polymaths - they were all interested in so many different areas, and were able to see the linkages between them. (on a side note, I'm doing the same thing, though I haven't been able to acceptably merge mathematics with psychology - but I've got a book to help with that)

There are two assumptions I'm making here:

That having free time is correlated to innovation. This is arguable, but from the indirect data I've seen, it seems to hold.
That the ultimate goal of education is to produce people with innovative capacity and the gumption to follow through and fight for thier ideas.

I'm now more convinced than ever that my children will be placed in an international school. I don't want parrots as children (though if they are given a choice and they CHOOSE to be parrots, thats a different story).

Now, more than ever, I see innovative capability as the means of survival in the economy of the future (circa 2020+)

Russia, China, India and the underlying trend...

2008-09-01T13:51:00.001+05:30

I've been throwing a theory around in my head for time now, and after reading Thomas Freidman's Op-Ed column in the New York Times, amongst others, I'm beginning to worry that my paradigm of what's going to happen over next decade or so is going to come true.

In essence, if America goes under - militarily or economically, we are doomed.

Why?

I'm at work so I can't explain the full viewpoint, but in a nutshell:

Russia has the national self esteem of a really skinny guy trying out for a college wrestling team. But that same skinny guy has no bulked up and is now the envy of his contemporaries. And he hasn't forgotten his humiliation...naturally, revenge is an option. I never really appreciated how dependant Western Europe is on Russian energy. By controlling that one commodity, Russia is able to exert a massive amount of influence. There was some talk some time back about its new industrial parks, but they pale in volume and technical expertise to the established Indian BPO industry, so I don't think that's a major contributor to Russian wealth. Its mostly oil.
China, as the Olympics have demonstrated, has been working on its infrastructure for seven steady years. Granted, the ethics of how it was done is more than questionable, and the mentality of the party (not the offical party line, but how they act in practice) has distinct Mughabian traits (in that they believe they know that what they are doing is correct, and nuts to anyone who doesn't agree). The end result - an excellent case study in Nation Building, complete with debate topics on forcible eviction (India is guilty too), disregard for the rule of law (India is guilty too) and what constitutes adequate compensation.
The US has been trying to take care of the world, and in the process has neglected itself. Everyone these days seems to have taken to American Bashing "The Americans are dumb, the Americans are trying to establish an empire", and so on and so fourth.

Here is the crux of the issue. Whenever there is a humanitarian crisis, all of a sudden everyone says "Its America's responsibility to take care of the situation and send aid". Whenever we face a management issue here, we import American (or otherwise "western") ideas to try and deal with it. Whenever I need to look up some sort of data, its invariably penned or collated by American institutes. So many of the services I enjoy, such as GMail. Google Reader, my Podcasts, movies, satire, comedy, cuisine...Americans are generally the spark plug. I mean, look at the CIA work factbook. Its a free publication on loads of data about all the countries of the world. That's an amazing value adding document. And its free.

Would China do that? Would Russia do that? Would Saudi Arabia do that? What aid do these counties send whenever there is a crisis? When there is a humanitarian disaster, such as the typhoon that hit Myanmar, it was the US that was most critical. With the war in Sudan and Darfur, what was the Russian, or Indian, response? Did we even have one?

America has contributed greatly to the world over the last 20 years. China is a factory. Russia supplies the fuel. India takes care of administration. But what is the SOURCE of so much innovation? Would iTunes, and the wide variety of podcasts available, have been created in China, or Brazil? Could the One Laptop per Child program have been born in India? No. None of these BRIC countries have, to my knowledge, any "innovation heavy" industries to speak of.

In Objectivism, there is a statement: "A policy that is a anti-object is not a policy, but a sanction for destruction". The reasoning behind the rise of a power should not be "To eliminate or neutralize US dominance" (To paraphrase the Russian President). A true policy is a goal that goes beyond that. America may not have one stated on its government website, so you have to infer it through its industries and its culture. From what I've gathered, it is to be productive, to spread equality, to get things done, to find faster and better ways of doing things, to innovate, to seek and acquire new data and knowledge and to advance the human race. (It is important to understand that this is separate from the "political" will of the country. Bush is an idiot, but he is not America. Its entrepreneurs are, its workers are, its universities are)

So this is the question I wish to pose to these new countries which seek to come onto the world scene (including India)

What will YOUR contribution to the world be? What do YOU stand for?

The answer will not come from posturing politicians.

The answer will come from the people - the way they conduct business, the way they vote, they way they work.

...compromises

2008-09-01T11:55:00.001+05:30

Well, as I may have mentioned before, it doesn't look like I'll be able to secure my super fast broadband (Airtel has 8MBS connectivity in pockets of Mumbai). It seems that in my particular area, I've got to go through a community swtich - that is, all the people in my immediate area are all connected via an extrememly long LAN cable to a hub somewhere, and this is consequently connected to the main line.

Two different ISPs have told me this, independant of each other, so I've got good reason to believe it to be true (and not just an excuse to deny me a connection as they don't have coverage in that area).

That means the fastest speed I'll get in my flat, for the forseeable future, is going to be an emaciating 512KBS. While hardly ideal, at least I'll get access.

But here is the problem - I wanted my internet to not only download my podcasts, but to also watch The Daily Show - one of my main sources of entertainment, knowledge of Amerian politics, rhetocial an satirical observance and one of the few shows I really look forward to (especially during campaign season...my god I'm missing out on some good TV!). Will I be able to watch the Daily Show with a 512 connection? I bloody hope so.

I went to a Barista yesterday and used thier Tata Indicom Wi Fi connection...it seemed relatively zippy, so I did a speed check. I was surfing on a 256KPS connection there. And I couldn't watch the Daily Show. But I could at least listen to my beloved 977 Music station. So that's something at least.

If I can't watch the Daily Show directly, I'll have to get it via torrents. Oh well...comprimise is a daily lesson here it seems.

I just hope Hathway actaully delivers.

...and sometimes...

2008-08-31T21:25:00.001+05:30

...and sometimes, life just throws you a pile of steaming faeces.

and expects you to believe it to be chocolate mousse.

you have a choice

you can eat it

or you can throw it away

if you trust in life, in God, in a higher power that looks after you

then you'd know that the steaming pile of faeces just LOOKS like a steaming pile of faeces

it is a test of faith

So how do you know?

As the essential lesson of the "Da Vinci Code" states...

the truth is relative

what matters

is your faith

do you have it?

do I have it?

I did

now...

I no longer know

Contemplation

2008-08-30T23:44:00.001+05:30

I've been feeling much more pensive over the past few days. There are a few reasons for this:

Work is unbelievably slow. The rest of the HR department is engaged in the "Year End Review" exercise - traditionally the point in time when everyone in the Organization gets their performance review, and also a time when HR's traditional function plays a key role. As such, my project has been flung beyond the back burner to somewhere on the floor amongst old Vinyl Records and copies of Britney Spears' first album. Needless to say, my requests for information have not been dealt with as speedily as they would ordinarily have. I can't help but feel a massive sense of redundancy here. I can no longer look at the HR partner in the eye and say "Yes, I can justify the salary you are paying me. I can justify the value I'm adding to your function, and hence the business. I can pull my own weight around here, and you will be hard pressed to replace me should I choose to leave". Some people have said that I should enjoy this time when there isn't a lot to do. I say to them, screw you. I LOVE being busy. I left Macau BECAUSE I wasn't doing much. Idleness drives me crazy. I mean, yes, I read my blogs, my journals of business, my various other industry sources...but how much longer can I do this without actually adding any value? I'm going to go nuts soon. Add to that the fact that my own contract expires in a little more than a month, and I get a little jittery. Sure, I've negotiated my way into a transfer into another department, but when the head of that practice looks at me and asks "So, what value did you add over in HR?"...I'll have to think of something creative for that....
I bought my first major appliance - a fridge. I've rented stuff before - washing machines and the like. But I BOUGHT a fridge. Its MINE. I could tattoo my initials onto the door and no-one's going to shout at me. For me, that's a sign of my commitment to making it here in India. And now I can no longer move all my belongings on my back like I've been doing. Now I'll have to hire movers. To me, that's a shift into a new mode of life.
My education will have to wait another year. None of my applications this time round were successful. Why? Well, my undergraduate grades for one...which is depressing enough (damn fatalism). But the upside is that my work experience isn't weighty enough to counterbalance it. My first choice university said that they don't mind the grades so much as my work experience is lacking in volume, not content. They want 3 years solid work experience. My next year in the new practice should sort that out. So so far then, no major dents to the overall plan. Just a LOT of trimming.
I have become single. Yes. There isn't a lot I can say about this one. It came as a shock, obviously. But looking over it, over a nice plate of premium pasta pollo a funghi (Fusilli with roasted chicken breast in a white sauce with white mushrooms) it was for the best. I'll just have to re-calibrate all my plans.
I've moved to my own little studio apartment, 10 minutes' walk from work. And this is the icing on my cake at the moment. No more commuting through a jungle of foul smelling clerks. No more waiting for the 655am bus at Marol Maroshi. Now I have the option of waking up at 0830am, getting ready at a leisurely pace and still making it to work on time. Though I have no intention of doing this. I'll still wake up at 6am, and use the time to either exercise or do some proper reading. Though I haven't been able to do this as yet as my schedule still hasn't settled down, and I still haven't quite gotten sued to sleeping in my new bed.

So. What does this all mean?

I've a lot more time to think, to evaluate, to re-evaluate.

I've been reading "Being Indian" and it is really helping me cope with all the crap I deal with on a daily basis. It's really helping me understand, at least on a colloquial level, the seeming social mess I see everyday. So now I can look around me, and armed with my new paradigm, people's behaviour now makes sense.

But given the recent shifts in my life, I'm going to have to re-engineer my grand plans. I've now found myself alone in Mumbai. I've friends, but I don't think they are comfortable enough with me yet to go out for a beer. The other night, I went to a bar, ordered a beer, and just sat in a corner and watched everyone else having fun. Couples whispering sweet nothings to each other. Colleagues talking about their latest contract win. College mates regaling in stories of how Sanjay fell into the fountain on campus. People within a rich tapestry of contacts, fortified by a web of personal history.

And there was I, a newcomer who can't speak the language and just beginning to understand the customs. It was a lonely moment.

But then it hit me - I'm used to this. This will essentially be the fourth time I'm doing this in my life - and then the further revelation - that this is what I've ALWAYS done. I've always somehow ostracised myself from life around me - In Macau, in Wales, in London and now in Bombay. There's always some factor preventing me from being a "local". I've always been that guy in a bar, alone with a drink, watching everyone else.

Was I ever happy?

Obviously I was, at various point in time. So what was the common denominator in those times?

Certain people - people who shared my sense of loneliness. BUT also people from the mainstream who found something inside me that appealed to them. And who made the effort to befriend me. And I accepted their friendship, and I haven't lost any of these friends.

So what's the problem then?

Even though I should be an old pro at this...it never gets easier. It's always a struggle, setting up, learning a new language, respecting norms that don't make sense.

I just need to start making friends...who find something inside me they like.

And to do that, I've to expose myself.

Perhaps I've been a little too closed off. A little too cautious with whom I speak to. I mean, I've only ever gone to work and come back home over the last 5 months.

Well, that's going to change. As soon as I finish setting my house up, I'm going to start meeting people with my time. Tango lessons start on Monday. I've heard of a few martial arts fitness classes in a neighbouring area. There is a decent gym near my house, with an affable manager, and rather affordable rates.

I'm at the threshold of a new life...and I fully indent to embrace it. Even if I quiver in the process.

"Those who dare my son, those who dare..." - Human Traffic

Thoughts on Failure

2008-08-25T15:36:00.000+05:30

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative." - Woody Allen

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

"Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor." - Truman Capote

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw

"Success is never permanent, and failure is never final." - Mike Ditka

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." - Oscar Wilde

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - Robert F. Kennedy

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucious

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

Hat tip to BNet

A New Model of Indian Social Personality

2008-08-19T14:01:00.001+05:30

One of the thrilling things about being a Social Scientist is the ability to investigate things and to build models of behaviour. Many of my contemporaries state that models are useless in that they merely reflect common sense. I always retort with the fact that a bad model is descriptive - it only seems to describe behaviour that has been seen in the past. A good model is one that allows us to predict future behaviour. These are the models that we social scientists use.

One of the aims for my coming to India was to develop a model of the "Indian" personality, if some such thing actually exists. As my academic friends will confirm, there is a dearth of data within Indian social science. Mostly because nobody seems to see the need to spend resources on something as "soft" as social science.

I beg to differ. While I won't expound on why (as this will detract from the aim of this post) I will say that the reason why we are such "avid importers" of western ideas (Furnham 2003)is because we just haven't that much data about ourselves. As in the US and UK, once you have a wealth of data, knowledge can be constructed.

This isn't airy fairy talk. Take management science for example (yes, it is a social science). As far as I know, apart from Indian Labour laws, the course essentially uses Western Concepts, derived from western populations. We don't know if these interventions will actually work here...has anyone done a efficacy study? I don't think so. Take the "Great Places to Work" survey - the US version of the UK's "Best Employer" ranking. This survey is being carried out in India, and rankings are generated. I decided to look into the supporting data and found that, obviously, the criteria to determine a "good" employer were based on American preferences. Not that is a bad thing. But what do Indians want from their employers? Social Science to the rescue? Wait...oops, no funding. Never mind, lets just import Western Ideas willy nilly.

Back to the point of this post. I've been trying to "figure out" what an "Indian" personality would look like (that is, what personality characteristics would most Indians share, thus making those characteristics "Indian"). Initially, I was befuddled with the numerous contradictions I faced. It was a difficult task.

I then found this book, Being Indian by Pavan Varma. A graduate from St. Stephen's College - which is another way of saying "This guy should know what he's talking about".

In his preface, he admits his book isn't meant to be an academic manuscript. Fine. I was looking for inspiration, academic or otherwise.

It was a difficult read.

Why? He speaks about a value system which does indeed, fit my data (observations). But the model he proposes is so alien to me that I wouldn't have thought of it without his prompting.

I won't say much more right now - in the age of the knowledge worker, ideas are to be the new currency, so my ideas won't come free - but I will say this: Even though he roots his model firmly in the religious beliefs of the population...its a compelling model. And if I try and couple that with what little I know of management theory, already a possible new "Indian personality construct" emerges.

This will be similar to the Protestant Work Ethic - not in content, but in terms of definition and usefulness.

I am sharing this much with you, because part of my mission involves sparking academic debate about India...not about ephemeral things like politics or corruption, as that is debated often enough...but of useful things that will inspire use to proceed forward.

I'm getting sick of constantly hearing the phrase "I don't know, we'll just use the UK model" or "Don't worry about this data, we'll just use US data" or "Let's just use the initiatives from the UK office and change a few words".

Why can't we develop our own models and theories?

Go UCL!

2008-08-14T09:55:00.001+05:30

I just got wind of the latest Shanghai Jiao Tong University Rankings.

UCL ranks 22nd! We've beat Imperial! We are now 3rd in the whole of Europe!

It's a good day to be a UCL alumnus :)

I should write a little disclaimer - each ranking system has it's own biases. The Shanghai Jiao Tong ranking system heavily favours English medium universities, scientific research in the Natural and Physical Sciences and relies specificially on the institution's track record of winning Fields Medals (Mathematics) and Nobel Prizes.

Essentailly, this list should be a ranking of the world's best Research Intensive Universities

Either way, it's good to get recognition once in a while...though I've yet to get it in person :(

Stuck

2008-08-05T10:31:00.001+05:30

I've been feeling rather down over the last few days, or weeks rather. And I can attribute it to a few points; the main one being that I'm feeling stuck. Again.

In my original plan (circa 2007), by August I would have been finalizing my student visa for the US, UK or Australia, depending on where my application was successful. So far though, either the universities have been silent, or they haven't received all the documentation they require. All I can do now is wait.

In my other original plan (circa 2005), by the time I was 25 I would have completed my Masters degree, or be finishing my PhD, and would be working in left wing university propounding the virtues of neo-communism (this one especially tickles me...how could I ever have been a socialist AND a psychologist?)

In my earliest plans (circa 2000) by the time I was 25 I would be married by now, working as a physicist or a biological scientist.

Throughout, I've always had a plan to refer to.

And after reading Paulo Coelho, Ayn Rand, Mohammad Yunus, and many others, I've reached to following conclusions, all of which have contributed to my happiness:

You ALWAYS have a choice
Have a plan and structure it. Compromise on the method but NEVER on the goal
Sometimes things don't work. Othertimes they work so well as is touched by the divine.
There is a God. And he's a sly rascal. But not malevolent.
Principles only mean something when they are difficult to adhere to.
And the best one, courtesy of Adidas: Impossible is nothing

I try and live by these, and many other rules. And I'm happy.

Even though I am stuck right now, and I'm disappointed, I just have to look back at the past few years to know that this is just a phase. That I've to make the most of where I am now and things will progress.

Have been Busy

2008-08-02T21:01:00.001+05:30

I've been busy with work recently - I've managed to get some traction with my project, so things seem to be running relatively smoothly

Just to highlight a few points:

I've been flat hunting. So far, my budget seems to turn up holes in the wall - with communal hole-in-the-ground loos. No worries on my own, but to share a hole with 120 other people? No thanks.

Yeah. that's the main update. Boring boring life.

I'm reading the Zahir, Paulo Coelho. As always, he managed to touch a part of my soul that was dormant, or at the very least, opaque. I'm now struggling to assimilate his knowledge into my daily life. Struggle isn't the right word. It's not painful - its just a new way of thinking, one which requires much simulation in my mind. Like any theory, I need to test it, at least mentally, before I can put my weight behind it.

As for my Master's degree...well, I'd rather not think about it right now. That aspect of my future rests in the hands of other people now...

Quickly Quickly Chalti Chalti

2008-07-15T12:47:00.001+05:30

A rapid fire update:

Went to Pune over the weekend. Pune is chilled out, but needs better roads and buses that are fully built.

Spent money on clothes for the first time in months. Bought Rs. 7,000 worth of sexy. (Sexiness subject to confirmation by Natasha)

Working going going well, but leaves my hungry most of the time.

Still having veg sandwhiches for lunch, and leaves me hungry.

Have discovered that my new Rich Purple and Gold tie goes with at least 5 of my shirts. And that I thought I have too much blue, when in reality I've only one blue tie. If anything , I've too much pink and purple.

Have learnt that Dadar, the district, is big.

Am going to Goa for a KPMG HR event for a few days. Then most likely going to Lonavla (an area near Bombay replete with waterfalls) over the weekend. More money spent.

Have been forced to try muesli with raisins (as my local shop ran out of muesli without raisins, and with added honey). Found that raisins aren't evil and the scum of the earth. Have decided to take raisins off my list of foods that are horrible mistakes of evolution.

:)

2008-07-09T16:03:00.001+05:30

All is back to normal.

Life is good.

Calmer

2008-07-07T18:23:00.001+05:30

Its so bizarre. Last night, if I could get hold of a blunt instrument I would have torn half of Marol down single handedly, laughing all the way.

And now, I feel much better, calmer. Even though I've only had 3 hours sleep.

To make matters more complicated, I've had a really productive day.

I think I need more data to figure out what's wrong with me

Am I manic depressive? I don't think so...my depressive episodes aren't dark enough...or at least, the dark episodes were years ago, without any associated mania.

Maybe its my diet of constant Subway...even though there is a degree of variance in the fillings.

Maybe its because I haven't seen Natasha in over a month.

Maybe its because the novelty of having moved to a new country has finally worn off completely.

Maybe its because I want to buy things for myself but feel far too guilty for depriving my future children of thier school fees. (Having said that, I've made my mind up to get a HTC P3300 as a reward for all the crap I've had to hash out, and have survived thus far...I'll be trading both my phones in, and if I pay about Rs. 10k I'll get a brand new shiney P3300. Then again, that money could have other uses....DAMMIT....)

Right - this is what I want. I have 5 shirts at the moment. I want more. I want Marks and Spencer shirts because they'll last till the apocalypse. I want new shoes (I've been using these since 2005). I want trousers, because I've only one pair that I've to wash and iron dry. I want GOOD skin tight short sleeve vests from Girordano, the ones that absorb my sweat without irritating me.

And AFTER all that - I want a HTC P3300. And driving lessons so I can finally start bloody driving. I've decided that I hate all humanity when I'm on the train...I mean, since when was my head an armrest? Since when is my bag an inflatable love-doll? Since when are my shoulders a snot rag? Honestly, why do people INSIST on wiping thier mouths on my arms?

And after studying other people's driving, I've come to the conclusion that driving here requires skills, yes, but absolutely no heed for the rules. Its enough to be aware of what's around you. Yes. I want to drive here. Crazy....thats why I want to start with the driving instructor's car.

Dread Disease

2008-07-07T01:58:00.001+05:30

I'm writing this from my phone. It is far beyond 1am. I need to
sleep,as I need to be up at 6am so as to be fresh for an important
meeting tomorrow; and i cannot sleep. My mind is ablaze and my
intestinal tract is struggling to deal with the biological corollary
of such activity. I find myself consumed by so many things that I no
longer care about anything. I just want to sleep,to forget my
consternations,at least for the next few hours...

--
-----------------------------------------------------

Stanley Braganza, BSc. (Hons.)

http://www.sbraganza.com
sbraganza@sbraganza.com

-----------------------------------------------------

Noooooo...

2008-07-05T20:44:00.001+05:30

Even when I'm not downloading ANYTHING, have NO other active internet applications running, I STILL cannot watch a teeny TINY Al-Jazeera clip on You Tube.

Shit.

Amazing Pictures!

2008-07-05T20:36:00.001+05:30

Pictures?

2008-07-05T16:59:00.001+05:30

I've decided to try another feature - uploading pictures by attaching them to the email...lets see if it works!

Mood

2008-07-03T13:58:00.001+05:30

I'm in a bad mood today. I can't seem to get restful sleep. Last night in my dream state, I was treated to a medly of various fears of mine, cobbled together to form a cascade of ugliness. I woke up disoriented at 6am (20 minutes before I'm scheduled to wake) and grudgingly decided to try and sleep again.

The tain ride today was decent, but failed to lift my spirits.

Even speaking to Natasha this morning didn't give me the buzz it normally does.

Something is wrong...either that or I'm just in one of those moods.

My Shared News Items

2008-07-02T12:14:00.001+05:30

I've just added a new feature to my blog...I've become an avid user of Google Reader, as it allows me to read most (not all) of my regular blogs from one location. One nifty feature is the ability to share news items that I find interesting with the click of the button. I've added the Google widget just below the subscribe option on the right. This way, you can see which news items I find interesting!